Courage, Identity, Justice

 About three years ago our family watched a movie entitled Courageous.  That movie changed my son's life.  Understand that my son is currently 5 years old. Even still,  this movie was a life changer for him. I have shared before that he is obsessed with becoming a police officer.  For his birthday and Christmas every year since then, he wants a new police officer uniform and a suitcase. Last year he added a law book to the mix. We have replaced his uniform a few times; but he still doesn't have a suitcase or law book.  I did purchase a kid friendly book about the constitution and the bill of rights.  I am planning for the next year of school for him.  (I will expand on that topic - prepping for next year's school- later.)

Two years ago, the cousins came for an extended visit.  My husband and I noticed and discussed the fact that every time my nephew saw a police officer, he became visibly disturbed.   We watched the movie Courageous with him.  Problem? He did not identify with the good "Black" cop.  He identified with the drug dealers in the movie. We would see him imitating the behavior of "TJ" (head bad guy) in the movie!  What do you do???

We introduced him to every police officer (and fireman) we came into contact with...even if it was an incovenience.  It became sort of a game.  Anytime the boys saw an officer, they yelled out excitedly, "Police Officer!", or "Sherriff!" When Sir returned this year, it was like he hadn't left (in this area, at least😊).  The game continued.  I am sure that all the stickers, speeches,  and extra positive attention had a great effect on both of the boys...and the girls.

A few situations have happened that have caused me to really stop think about what we are trying to accomplish with all this police praise.

1.  I was pulled over, treated rudely, and given an unjust ticket....with my son in the car!  We were headed to the airport to pick up my husband and daughter.  They had surprised Grandpa in California for his birthday.  I was listening to an audio book while driving.  The other 3 kids were IN THEIR SEATBELTS enjoying the ride.  I saw the lights of a highway patrolman, who had been tailing me, come on behind my car!  I had seen him a mile back and thought nothing of it.  I wasn't speeding, or doing anything else wrong, so I didn't worry.  I was shocked when he pulled me over, asked for my papers, and accused my son of "walking around in the back seat".  Not just being unbuckled; but completely out of his seat and walking around.  Anyone who knows us, knows that is a complete lie.  What do I look like having my only son, 4 years old,unbuckled,  walking around in the back of my car, on the highway, windows rolled down (AC broken), in the middle of the Summer?!? I'll wrap this little tale up, cause I'm getting upset all over again!!!  I went to court - over an hour away from home - twice. In the end,  I didn't have to pay the ticket because the officer never showed up for court.  He was out on an extended medical leave for throat surgery and no one knew when he would return (according to his officer friend).  Coincidence? I think not!  I know God is real and that He heard the petition of His child who was treated unjustly and embarrassed by a man in uniform in front of her children.

2.  A few months later, I was home doing the dishes.  The kids and I noticed that a police officer was parked on the church property (next door), watching for speeders.  They excitedly ran inside and asked if they could go say "hello!" to him.  I allowed them to go and sent some pecan pie with them.

He came again a few days later and they greeted him with smiles and oranges (I was out of pie!).  He came over and thanked us for our generosity, warm welcome, and snacks.  He gave the kids stickers and allowed them to look inside the car.  This is where the story takes a turn.  He only showed them the back seat!  I don't know if there is some rule about not letting kids or others see inside the front; but this bothered me.  Did he even consider showing them anything other than what the law breakers see?

3.  This third situation brings me to the main point of this whole post.  Recently I was reading Proverbs thirty-one.  Usually, I sort of skim through the first nine verses and focus on the last 20 or so.  This is the chapter about how to be a virtuous woman, right?  This day was a little different.

I was aware that this passage was written by a queen - a mother, teaching her son.  Maybe it was her last words to him before he went off into the world, or even became king.  What did she think was important for him to know.  I saw five things:

First, she called him king Lemuel.  The name/word Lemuel (according to my sources - wikipedia and "she knows" baby names) means "devoted to, or belonging to God"; or "the king to whom God spoke".  How Beautiful!  My desire is for my sons to be devoted to God and for God to speak to them daily as they grow in the Lord.

Second, she charged him to be chaste.  There is noting like a rotten woman to rob a man of all his potential and ruin his life.(v.3)

Third, she encouraged him to be a man of justice. I am reminded of Micah 6:8.  God said that doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God is not only good; but required of all of us. (v. 5,8,9)

Fourth, to have mercy. To know when to have mercy requires discernment. (v.8,9)

Fifth, to be characterized by sobriety and temperance. ( v.4 - 7)

Last of all, she describes to him the "perfect" or "model" wife/queen. (v.10 - 31)

What does all this have to do with the movie Courageous and my recent experiences with the "Cops"?

As a mother, I am given direction from the word of God what to focus on as I teach my sons. It doesn't matter what my experiences are; I am to continue to praise and lift up the position of enforcing the law and ensuring peace in our community, country, and world.  When we encounter those who abuse that position, or forget the power of their words and actions; we must remind ourselves and our children that EVERY human being makes the choice daily to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God; or not.  We don't curse the whole process or institution because of individuals who make bad choices.  There will be days when we make bad choices.  Every sane person wants justice when they have been wronged.  Every sane person wants mercy when they have done wrong.  It takes a unique person of great discernment to hold the office deciding when to give which.  It is my hope that God will help us to equip our little Raymond with the tools and knowledge to be the man of justice he admires so much.

Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace. 

-Jeremiah 29:5-7

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. 

- Matthew 5:9

Raymond is making sure the laundry is sorted properly.😉

Until Next Time,

Love Note

Lunchbox Love Note

by Kenn Nesbitt

Inside my lunch to my surprise

a perfect heart-shaped love note lies.

The outside says, "Will you be mine?"

and, "Will you be my valentine?"

I take it out and wonder who

would want to tell me "I love you."

Perhaps a girl who's much too shy

to hand it to me eye to eye.

Or maybe it was sweetly penned

in private by a secret friend

Who found my lunchbox sitting by

and slid the note in on the sly.

Oh, I'd be thrilled it were Jo, 

the cute one on the second row.

Or could it be from Jennifer:

Has she found out I'm sweet on her?

My mind's abuzz, my shoulders tense.

I need no more of this suspense.

My stomach lurching in my throat,

I open up my little note.

Then Wham! as if

it were a bomb, 

inside it reads,

"I love you-Mom."

This is a cute, little poem I found in search of something for our church bulletin last Mother's Day.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Until Next Time,

Forbearance

Occasionally I feel like a foster parent or a step parent.  Opening with this statement is going to feel disjointed from the post for a while; but please bear with me.

This past week I came across the word "forbearance" about 3 or 4 times.  There are a couple of things that I am praying about and I believe that the answer the Lord is giving me is to FORBEAR.

The more I meditate on forbearance, the more I can see how needy I am in exercising it in MANY areas of my life.  Before I share further, let's begin with it's definition. 

Forbearance (according to Mr. Webster) is : a refraining from the enforcement of something (such as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due: Patience : the quality of being forbearing : Leniency 

What comes to mind are the phrases mercy in Action. Patience with hope. 
There are days when I feel like a drill sergeant barking out orders...
There are days when I feel like I am critiquing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G the children do and say...
There are days when I am short instead of sweet to my husband (usually because he has forgotten to do something that I asked him to do, he is not doing something the way I would prefer it to be done,  or he has offended me in some way that I haven't communicated with him about (yet😉)...

There are days when I wish God would just hurry up and (fill in the blank)...

On such days, I lack forbearance!  I mentioned mercy in action.  My children have benefited in many ways from having the cousins live with us this year; but I  am sure they sometimes miss their sweet mama.  When children who have been brought up in a home environment completely different from their current one; many adjustments have to be made for everyone involved.  I never used to yell at my kids.  NEVER!!!  When the cousins came, they couldn't hear me sometimes until I yelled at them.  I am back to my no yell policy now.  They have adjusted; but my children had to live with me during the period of adjustment.  I wish it never had to be so.

I mentioned patience with hope.  One of my children is a lot like her father.  She is on her own clock and often in a different world.  She is also incredibly smart and has a more mechanical mind.  That first issue requires MUCH patience...but hope is expectation.  I can tolerate her being slow about some things because I know she will get it.  I often have to remind myself (with her) to not say "hurry up!"  When it's important for her to stay with the group, I ask the Lord to give me ways to help her that don't crush her spirit...usually.  Like I said, there are days!

Patience with hope....Raising someone else's kids, for any length of time, requires patience.  The kids will have ways about them that you will admire and that will make you proud to know them.  They will also have ways about them that make you angry or sad and that you wish you could just erase for their own good. I have these emotions about my own kids too; but usually my husband or I have/had those same ways about us, so we kinda know how to handle our kids.  Not knowing the parents or why the child thinks a certain way or does a certain thing is frustrating.  What can one do in such circumstances?  Pray!  Teach them the right way again and again.  Guide them with Truth.  Love and compliment them openly and verbally as much as is possible.
Remember that consistency and repetition are KEY. 
Chose your battles wisely.  Don't try to correct every issue that pops up. It's important that you win the heart of the child.  You cannot do that if you attack everything about them.

Before we had our children my husband and I were looking into fostering children for adoption.  We took the classes at our local DHS and the whole thing.  One of the things I remember is that we were told not to wash all the children's clothes/toys right away.  I didn't understand that at first; but what message does it send when a child enters your house and you take all of his/her "clean" clothes and their favorite snuggle bear and throw them into the wash?

Apply that same principle to the child's speech, habits, and mannerisms.  Try and discover the beautiful one inside and encourage them to let that person shine through all the rough stuff.  As I mentioned somewhere before, you must connect before you can correct!  Let me close this post out with what I am hearing the Lord say to me.

"Forbearance is Love in action.  Mercy in action. Patience in action.  Tinyla,  Practice it!  I promise to help you. " - Jesus


"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;" -Ephesians 4:2

Additional Related Scripture:  Romans 2:4; Romans 3:25; Ephesians 6:9; Colossians 3:13 to end of chapter

Until Next Time,

Kindness Pays!

Part  Two:

Ticket Cash in Day is a great day for the kids.  I enjoy seeing them so excited about getting paid for their efforts; but this day also means that I will have to take 7 kids shopping soon...not my favorite thing, but peace is worth the inconvienence!  We have Kindness Cash out days twice a month.

What does cash in day look like?

A.)  I gather the materials necessary for this event.
          1.  Our ticket bucket (converted pretzel container)
          2.  The kids piggy banks
          3.  Pen and paper for recording their giving/choices.
B.)  I call everyone to the table and we tally separate and count all the tickets.  The person with the     
       most gets 10 extra tickets ($1).

C.)  The kids, 1 by 1, decide how they will divide up what they have earned.
   

Spending Options

1. Tithe.  10% of total
2. Save.  10% of total goes into their banks.  Sometimes some of them chose to save more, sometimes some of them whine about having to save anything.  
3. Give.  5% or more.  We have 2 organizations that the kids have chosen to give to for Christmas at the end of the year. They have to give 5%.  Sometimes some of them chose to give more, sometimes some of them whine about giving anything.
4. Spend...whatever they have left.  I encourage them to make wise spending choices. I have a bucket of candy that they can purchase for a dime a piece.  (They haven't yet figured out that they can purchase their own bags from the dollar store for less.  I am glad because I am not a parent that promotes candy whenever we want it.) I also give them the option of buying extra screen time (1 cent/minute).

The Kindness Contest is a tool we use in our home to encourage and teach kindness, good communication skills, problem solving skills, stewardship and money management.

How do you promote these attributes in your home?  I would love to know.  Comment below or shoot me an email at tinylabeckles@yahoo.com.  I would love to hear from you!

Until Next time,

Kindness Contest (revisited)

A couple of years ago I shared an idea that we practice in our home called the "Kindness Contest".  A dear friend of mine has asked me to give more details about it.  As requested, here we go!

What?

Kindness Contest:  

The children are given tickets (purchased at dollar tree) for:
1.)  Doing acts of kindness (i.e. putting someone else's things in its proper place, sharing, giving a sincere compliment, volunteering to help with something, or spending time reading to or playing with a sibling when they would rather be doing something else.)

2.)  Going above and beyond what is expected of them. I give them tickets for every book they write down in their reading journal. I also give tickets for "perfect" work.  If they do both sides of a math worksheet with no mistakes, they get a ticket.  Other acts of going beyond are volunteering to pick up trash that has blown into our yard, or spending time playing with or grooming the pets without being asked.

3.) The children loose tickets for 1 reason only...tattling!  Every parent of multiple children knows that tattling is an extremely annoying issue.  It is important to REPORT important things for safety reasons or bad character issues (lying/stealing).  However, it is not acceptable  for one person to tattle on their sibling/cousin for the purpose of getting them in trouble or because one has not been a good communicator/problem solver.  I do not like having to police every one of the kids' actions.  When they come to me with issues, I stop them and ask them if 1.) whatever they are going to tell me is worth loosing a ticket? 2.)  If they have already tried to work it out with the person in question. If the answer is yes in both accounts, then I am all ears.  If the answer is No to either question...they have to tell me what the problem is, but I charge them a ticket for my time.

Why?:   This contest has completely changed the atmosphere in our home.  The kids are practicing kindness daily.  They are also practicing and exercising their communication and problem solving skills.  Invaluable.

One other thing I would like to note is that an Act of Kindness is included as part of their morning routine.  What does that mean?  It means that before they are allowed to eat breakfast, they must first show kindness to someone.  One day a child said to me, "I'm ready for breakfast!"  I asked, "Have you done all your morning things?  (pause) What act of kindness did you do?"  They told me and then asked me, "What act of kindness did you do today, Mama?( in an innocent and honestly curious voice)"  This was the day when I started making sure that I was practicing my acts of kindness daily as well.  For me, this looks more like over-achieving in my daily areas of responsibility, or attitude checks in my execution of my tasks.  Also, I make it a point to do little things for my husband that I know he appreciates, but doesn't expect me to do.  Some days this is easier than others; but on the harder to be kind days...this is especially good for me. 😉


Next Topic:  Kindness Rewarded  - What Payday looks like for the kids.

Until Next time,

Teaching Thankfulness

Recently I had a conversation with one of the ladies in our church about a young relative of hers.  He/She has developed a horrible habit of stealing.  "What causes this?" She asked me.  At the moment, I didn't exactly know what to say.  I know this family in question.  They are not hard up for cash, or anything else.  What would motivate a seemingly smart young person to become a thief?  I was challenged about this in my own home.  Sometimes the kids will find money (usually change) around the house and they automatically claim it as their own.  I had to explain that one does not get to claim something as theirs that they found on someone else's property.  

Overcoming the Desire to Steal

I have deduced that in order to combat this, three things are in necessary:

1.  Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  We began making Thursdays a day of thanksgiving shortly after my conversation with this lady.  What does this look like in our home?  Almost every evening we eat dinner together at the dining room table.  Once someone is finished, they get to tell three reasons why they are thankful.   My nephew is usually the first one to share as he is almost always the first one to finish his meal.  

Initially we heard the same things over and over and over again.  Raymond and I began to challenge the kids to try and be a little more original, or to tell "why" they are thankful for a particular family member.  When I was a teenager, my youth director used to have us practice this during the month of November.  I guess we are getting an early start!

My reason for beginning this exercise is that a person who is grateful for the people in their lives, doesn't steal from them.  Also, a person who is thankful for the things they have, will be far less likely to covet what others have.

Ephesians 4:28
"Let him that stole steal no more:  but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth."

2.  Help them to learn the value of hard work in association with money/ the value of a dollar.  Meaning, how much time it takes a person to earn a set amount of money to buy certain objects.  I personally am not in favor of traditional "allowances".  I am in favor of kids earning money for performing/working hard at certain unrequired tasks.  In our home, we pay the kids for going out of their way to practice kindness (more about this coming really soon).  It is important for kids to learn to manage money, or it will master them once they leave the home.

3.  Leave money around the house on purpose in order to get them used to not touching what belongs to others.  I had a boss once who did this.  I didn't know that it was for the purpose of testing my integrity.  I gathered it up and put it in a little bowl for them. 😐

What are your thoughts on this topic?
Do you have any suggestios?
Drop me a comment or email me. I would love to hear from you!
tinylabeckles@yahoo.com


Coming Soon...Essential Skills for Kids and The Kindness Project

Until Next Time,

Youtube

Surprise!!! I am joining the world of You tube "life influencers".  I have mixed emotions about this, but I believe it is something the Lord wants me to do.  I listen/watch at least one youtube vidio a day.  My mindset about a lot of things has been influenced heavily by some of the things I have heard on on different videos.  
I am not a professional about filming and editing or anything.  Hopefully I will improve as I continue.  For now, it is what it is.  This first video is about my story and how I became Mrs. Beckles.  I am aiming to keep all of the videos 10 minutes or less.  I failed in this first one; but not by much.   Hope you enjoy!

Tinylasnews on Youtube

Until next time,