Hello Friends!
Thank you for joining me today. What is the topic of interest? Well, I am in a reflective mood this morning, so I will be talking about my mistakes. I actually have been wanting to write about this topic for a few weeks now; but I am finally sitting down to do it.
I have been a pastor's wife for about 10 years. TEN YEARS!!! It is hard for me to believe. After the first year I wanted to write down all the things I learned in our first year here; but never did. My desire is to be faithful at journaling daily; but I have not worked hard enough at cultivating that desire; so it isn't happening daily; but I do journal. I mention journaling because I have some things jotted down; these three things I will share with you today.
Mistake Number One: Focusing on the Work instead of the Lord.
Before we became the pastor and pastor's wife of this church, we prayed daily for God's direction and the willingness to obey when He showed us that it was time for change. A decade ago my husband was serving as the assistant pastor and youth director of a church in North Carolina. To be quite honest, when we got the call to leave, I was just starting to feel at home. It was our third year of marriage. I had just had our first child. I had my own local friends and was finding my place in our community and local church. I am not sure why; but that same month we were offered two other ministry opportunities. We prayerfully considered all three and knew that this was the place where God wanted us to serve.
With much excitement and anticipation, we packed our little trailer and moved to Arkansas. God had called us here. We knew we were where He wanted us to be; problem was, few others knew it. I thought that the folks of our town would flock to our church when they saw the love and dedication we brought with us. I thought that when they saw that we wanted to help them make the best of their lives for the Glory of God that the people of our town would be grateful for such a family to leave their home and come here to minister. After all, my husband is a graduate of Bible Institute, a great preacher, a man of integrity, a prayer warrior, ....and I could go on.
I am a Bible College graduate and have a few gifts and abilities as well. In my mind, we made a great team. We had arrived and were going to conquer our area for Christ. Problem? Nobody seemed to care....at least not the ones that I wanted to care. There were SEVERAL services where only our family was present. I became discouraged. Why? Because I began to focus on the work (the people) instead of the Lord. I had forgotten that Only God is faithful all the time. Only God knows all the time you spend in prayer and in the word. Only God sees your heartaches and heartbreaks. Only God knows why and how He is using the work that you do. Only God can provide every need. How does the song go? Noone ever cared for me like Jesus. It took me a w h i l e to stop waiting for the people to see me as mentor and friend. In those early days and years (if I am honest) to forgot that God not only sees me; but that He has promises that He will never break.
My Challenge to You:
NO matter what you are involved in, let God be responsible for the results. Focus on the only thing that you can have control over, your obedience to what you are responsible for and your own attitude. God has truly blessed our family! We aren't where we hope to be; but we are a lot further along on this journey than we were ten years ago. God gives my husband a message. We have done our best to put the things he preaches into practice. If nobody else wants to show up to be fed; let us be found in our place, doing the work we are called to do, and receiving the blessings from being obedient.
Mistake Number Two: Being Over-eager
My second issue was that I thought that just because I had, what I thought, was good information to share; that I should share as much as possible and that people would show up to hear what I had to give. I planned events for our ladies. Lots of events. I would have classes where I taught things like cooking healthy and wholesome meals, parenting classes, how to study the word classes, bow making classes, and so on and so forth. Often, I was the only one who would show up.The people are not to bear the total blame here.
I have come to learn that I tend to give too much. To over-prepare. In other words; I was so eager to be a blessing that I overwhelmed them.
It is possible that my teaching could have been interpreted that "you need to become more like me and this is how"; or "everything you think you know about God is wrong, and this is why".
My Challenge to You:
In the first year, focus your walk with God; then your family, then the church - in that order. In the second year, focus on your walk with God; then your family, then the church. In the fifth year, focus on your walk with God, then your family, then the church. In the tenth year, focus on your walk with God, your family, then the church. I slowly began focusing some of the energy that I was giving to helping better other people's homes to my own. You know what? I am glad I did. Some of the families that I spent so much time trying to help weren't able to hear me, weren't willing to do the work, and most have since disappeared.
Mistake Number Three: Having No Personal Boundaries or Limitations
In the Bible, there are qualifications for a pastor, for a deacon, and for the wife of deacons. There are no qualifications for the pastor's wife. What should I learn from this? The gifts that God gave you to use in the church, use them accordingly, just like any other church member is commanded to do. Anything extra that you do, is just that. Extra! I am not saying that you shouldn't stretch yourself, or ever serve sacrificially. I am saying that if you choose to do those "extra" things, do them for the Lord and Him only as an offering.
My Challenge to you:
Initially, I was only a phone call away. I would help pretty much any and everybody with any and every need. I used some discretion; but not much. "NO" was not a word that I liked to use often.No Bueno!
Prayerfully set boundaries for yourself and stick to them without exception. Otherwise you will feel unappreciated and may even become that bitter pastor's wife that eventually doesn't even go to church.
If you are curious about the boundaries I have set for myself, send me a message or comment and I will be happy to share; but realize that they are what God has given ME peace about and may not be for you.
Also, especially in the first year, don't add anything to the schedule. Change as little as possible. Learn the community. There may be a reason why the service is set for an odd time (to you) on an odd day. There may be a good reason why there's no Sunday School or vacation Bible school at your church. And dare I say (as a person who was saved as a result of the bus ministry) there may even be a reason why your church doesn't run a bus or van to bring people to church. Begin new things with much prayer and clear and definitive direction from God. Occasionally my husband will ask me to do things, and I have to challenge even him a little bit instead of saying a quick yes. This is the new, more mature me. It's not always comfortable; but It helps me to be the sane and loving me.
May this blog post bless somebody's life!
Until Next Time,
View companion vlog on YouTube here: Three Mistakes!
