Birthing Tips: My Easiest birth Yet!

Birthing Tips from Tinyla - Without pictures, but with the a few graphic details.

Birthing Zoe has been my easiest labor, yet.  What helped me to be able to say this with such certainty?

I have had six deliveries.  When I delivered Brayden (number 5), I did take medication once I got to the hospital.  I made the decision that labor pain was one less thing for me to deal with, so I took an opioid through my IV.  I cannot for the life of me remember the name of it...maybe that is a side affect of the drug itself.  I must say that I don't think that I would ever consider taking an opioid in normal circumstances because of the side affects to the baby that could arise.  Even still. I labored for a while at home with him AND I only took the medication when I was in the last phase of labor...I had already dilated to a 7 when I agreed to medication.

With Zoe, I endeavored to be intentional about every aspect of the labor.

On to MY tips:

Labor Prep! 

Stay hydrated and well rested.

      Somewhere around week 36 I began experiencing a LOT of braxton hicks and back pain.  I think this began happening for two reasons.  One being that I was dehydrated, the other - mainly the back pain - due to me not resting well. During this week, there was one particular day when my back was hurting more than usual and I went to the hospital to make sure everything was alright.  They kept me there for an half hour monitoring me and the baby. Once they told me that everything was alright, I began researching what I could do to remedy the situation.  The first thing I did was increase my water intake.  I admit that I don't have a habit of drinking water throughout the day.  I usually have a cup of coffee at breakfast and a glass of water, tea, or kool-aid 😁 at lunch and dinner.  I added to that a protein shake made with THM protein and sweetener and almond milk, a cup of tea (usually raspberry), and an additional bottle of water.

    In order to make sure that I was resting well, I took an hour or two break during the middle of the day, usually around 3:00 p.m. when the kids were finished with school and on to their afternoon chores and activities.  This usually included me having a glass of tea and a snack,  or a protein shake. Sometimes I would nap on the couch in a reclined position,  other days I would put my feet up and enjoy my snack and my Youtube playlist or favorite show on Prime.

I also became more diligent about taking my magnesium supplement with dinner every night. 

I think managing pain during labor is a Mental Game.  

I did my best to prepare for labor mentally by...

    A.)  Listening to positive birth experiences on podcasts and Youtube.  This helped me to cast down                     negative thoughts when they arose.  

I would like to share with you the address to three sites that were most helpful during the last month of my labor prep.

    Bridget Teyler

    Sarah Lavonne

    Above Rubies Podcast

    B.)  Firmly establish a plan to manage pain during the entire laboring process. Many people talk about         birth plans, and they may include pain managment on that list; but that is not what I am speaking of               today.  

When I had my first child, Aaliyah, I found myself counting (with Leslie Sansome's voice in my head) during every contraction.   I have been walking with Mrs. Leslie for many years.  I'm sure she doesn't know that she is also my labor and delivery duola as well. 😀

For Zoe's birth, I planned and prayed that I would labor at home until I was dilated to a seven.  We live only a couple of blocks from the hospital, so I was at peace with this decision. 

I have always downloaded an app that timed my contractions for me; but when the contractions became closer together and more intense; I counted aloud.  

With Zoe, I began this even before I was in active labor.  I was usually somewhere around 45 to 60 seconds when the I felt the contraction subsiding.  Reminding myself that the intense pain is only for about a minute and is bringing me closer to having a precious bundle of life in my arms is a HUGE game changer.  I knew that I was changing to active labor when I couldn't intelligently count to 60 anymore (LOL).  It's almost hilarious, I began to count noticeably faster and skip numbers.  

POSITION

Three of my children were born in a sitting position.  Usually I would feel the need to go to the bathroom.  With my two home births; I did use the restroom; but I usually stayed in the restroom and had the baby while still there. 

Zoe was born in the hospital.  They have certain things they want you to do in order to make it easy on the hospital staff.  One of them is to stay laying down in bed.  Not a great position for laboring without medication!  One of the reasons that I wanted to labor mostly at home was because of this one restriction.

Because I was so far along, There was little time for them to strap me to the bed, or to even put an IV in my arm.  I told the nurses that I didn't want medication; but that they could put the IV needle in my arm in case of an emergency.  The nurse did; but it came out while I was pushing.  

When I had a contraction, I simply sat up and over the side of the bed. What could they do?  Push me back down.  NO, they were very understanding and let me do what I needed to do to get through the contraction.

While laboring at home, I sat in the edge of my favorite and most comfortable chair. I tried just sitting on the toilet; but it was uncomfortable and cold. 

PUSHING

When pushing, I leaned back on pillows, grabbed my thighs and imagined that I was having the hugest bowel movement EVER.  I literally had to imagine the spot where "it" was coming out.  This allowed me to focus my energy on pushing the baby out of the correct spot.   Some of my contractions were wasted on "bad pushes".  Initially, I forgot this tip; but once I remembered and put it into practice; things moved along a lot more rapidly.  The doctor was helpful in telling me when I had made progress. Once he told me that my baby had  a lot of hair; it gave me the boost of motivation to continue with energy.

I must add that the nurses coached me to push, take a breath, then push again.  I did best with just taking one large breath and giving one great, long push per contraction. 20+ minutes of pushing and she was here.😌

I want to add that I began taking evening primrose supplements and walking 5 times a week at week 38.

Thursday night before she was born, I took a version of the midwifes brew. (I didn't have access to the exact ingredients mentioned online, so I substituted them as best I could.)

Friday I had one of the major evidences of the first signs of labor - loss of mucus plug + diarrhea.  Saturday I had diarrhea and mild contractions all day.  EARLY Sunday morning I had a contraction hard enough to wake me up. I began having consistent and painful contractions Sunday morning at about 10:30. By that evening at about 3:30, I told my Hubby I was ready to go to the hospital. Sunday evening at 5:09, Zoe was born.

NO intervention, NO medication, NO tearing, YES to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

All of this said, the Lord allowed me to have the best pregnancy, labor, and delivery I have ever had! I did what I could; but I was reminded that He wants to participate in EVERY aspect of our lives.  Birthing children is not excluded.  I did not play worship music, or have anyone present speaking positive things to me; but I made sure to remember that the Lord was with me. I am grateful!!!

Are you expecting? I hope this helps in some way.

Do you know anyone who is currently pregnant?  Feel free to share!  I have done this thing five times before; but I learn with each delivery (from others) how to do it better.

Until next time,

Our Newest Edition! Zoe's birth story

Hello Friend! 

 I cannot believe it has been almost five months since I have posted here!!! Time is flying right past me. So much is going on in the world that I may have withdrawn into my little bubble for sanctuary. In order to keep in a good frame of mind, and a (somewhat) joyful spirit; I have scaled my "extra" activities back. SO...what brings me out of my cave for today? The news of our most recent arrival. 

 

Introducing Miss Zoe Rae Shanice Beckles

For some reason I feel compelled to start with a bit about Brayden's story. (you can read more about this here).  In March of 2018, our son Brayden was born. Unfortunately, Trisomy 18 caused many issues for Brayden's little body.  He survived to week 36 of the pregnancy, which was a miracle in and of itself, but this very serious illness caused him to be stillborn.  

In July of 2019, I became pregnant again, only to miscarry at week 13 - September 2019.

Fast-forward to January 2020.  I began to feel a little fatigued. In February, with much trepidation, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.  I have to honestly say that I had mixed emotions.  Physically, I was just getting my body back.  Emotionally and spiritually, I wasn't sure what to feel or expect.  I had to choose to be happy everyday.  I scheduled our appointment at week 12 and everything looked good.  Because of our history, I had to go see a specialist at week 21(ish).  I chose to take all the tests for genetics and disorders and such. The tests and the ultrasounds all showed that our baby girl was as healthy as a baby could possibly be.  I'd like to say that I knew by faith that everything was going to go perfectly; but that would be a lie.  Some days were great days, others...not so much.  One day that was special for me was the day that I walked into Walmart and they had a brand new stroller/car seat combo on clearance for $100 dollars off of the original price. Somehow, I knew it was for us. For one, I LOVE a good bargain.  One problem...at this time we didn't know if baby would be a boy or a girl.  Everyone in the house was praying for a baby boy.  I just wanted a healthy baby. I called by husband to get his thoughts and he just kept saying over and over again, "but it's pink".  I bought it anyway. 😁 We could always return it; but an opportunity to save $100 on something you need does not happen daily. Why was this so special to me?  Because I believed it was the Lord saying to us that he was providing for a need.  If there was going to be a problem with this pregnancy, I wouldn't need a car seat or stroller. With the previous pregnancy and Brayden, I never purchased anything. With Brayden, I would see cute little things for baby boys; but never felt comfortable buying anything.

I am able to honestly say that this has been my easiest pregnancy. I did have some fatigue in the very beginning; but that's about it.  In about week 35, I  don't know what was going on; but I slowed my activity WAY down because my hips and back were hurting so badly that I could barely walk.  I even went to the emergency room once to make sure everything was okay.  

 

Baby was in great position; but I wasn't dilated, or anything at the time.  I continued to take it easy until week 37. Baby was still in position and I was dilated at 1.  At this point, I began to prepare for labor.

I walked about five days a week for half an hour.  At week 38 I added Evening Primrose to my vitamin intake ( I had forgotten about EP and red raspberry leaf tea until then).  I listended to positive podcasts about birth, and I began to watch about 2 birth information videos on YouTube.  At week 40 I added midwifes brew and eating pineapples to my daily routine.  (Thanks for the tips, YouTube Mamas) Both of those things are supposed to soften the cervix.  I also  spent a little more time in "fellowship" with hubby than usual.

FINALLY, at 41 weeks and a day, Zoe decided it was time to make her appearance. I had my first contraction at about 3 in the morning; but I was able to go back to sleep until time to get up for church.

I did my normal Sunday morning routine, all the while having sporadic contractions.  I began to have really painful contractions at about 10:30...during our second hymn in church.  After the music and announcements I went home and I continued to labor at home until my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and I could no longer count to  60 intelligently. (Part of a future post about laboring tips.)

My husband drove me to the hospital, I was checked in and then the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was.  An 8!!! They called the doctor and about 15 minutes later he arrived. He checked me, said I was ready and asked if he could break my water.  He broke it and told me to push with the next contraction.  

I was not expecting to hear push!!! It actually took me a couple of contractions to compose myself and prepare to push.  Once I got it together, I pushed for about 20 minutes and out she came.

Once I arrived home my daughter Aaliyah asked if I was excited when Zoe finally was born; to which I responded..." I think I was more relieved, than excited in that moment."

Now I feel a little more excited, than relieved.

Until next Time,

April Update

Hello Friends!

It's me again.  I have missed being with you all on this venue; but I felt that there was/is so much going and so many options to chose from online and in the world that I should maybe be quiet for a while.

As time continues to tick off the calendar, so much has happened that I want to share with you now. The most exciting announcement I have is that we are expecting a baby girl sometime in September!  Her name will be Zoe R. (Rae something...My husband likes Raven; but I am not sold on that name yet.) Sharice Beckles.  I love how the Lord has already provided for her in so many different ways.  Just as I did with Brayden, I took all the tests at 10 weeks.  I am so grateful to report that she has no markers for any type of genetic disorder!  Everything is right on target for her at this point. Praise the Lord!  We are SUPER excited and eagerly anticipating her arrival.  I am currently 17 weeks into the preganancy...only 161ish days to go!  If you know me, you know that I tend to be in a hurry for everything; but I am trying to enjoy life and not rush this pregnancy along.  One funny thing that I did was announce to the facebook world that we are expecting on April 1st. Of course, some folks thought I was joking.  Perhaps I should have waited until the second. 😁

Other exciting news is that we have had 5 little furry friends join our crew!  Joey and Joanna (Raymond DeSean and Cassidy's 4H rabbit projects) had  a litter of 5 kits.  It is fun to watch them.  They develop so quickly!  I am very happy to share that we have already found homes for most of them!!
You can check out THIS video if you are interested in seeing them in action!

Day 16 for these little kits!

          I don't know how COVID 19 is affecting your lives; but we are doing our best to continue with life as ususal.  Of course, we are not being careless or foolish; but we try to turn off the voices that promote fear.  One major change for us is that our local library is closed!!! Because of this I have made more book purchases than I usually do.  I am thankful that our local thrift stores are still open (with amended hours); otherwise, I would be broke! I have been able to find some pretty great books for $.50 - $1.00 each. 

Some of our bargain book finds!

How has Covid 19 impacted your life?  Feel free to share with a comment!

Until Next Time,

Love Requires...

 Hello Friends!

Thank you for taking time out of your day to join me here.  Today's topic....LOVE.
Are you surprised? This being the month of February, I suppose you have been/will be hearing a lot about love.
This year, for the first time ever, we left our kids with a friend and got out of town.




  We went on a marriage retreat in Georgia.  The venue was gorgeous! The food was good! The fellowship was great! and the teaching was spot on!

We heard teaching about godly leadership, godly submission, marriage and money matters, and marriage and passion.  What I especially enjoyed about our speakers, is that we saw them model how love and friendship should look in the golden years.  It was a beautiful sight.  They not only loved each other; but they obviously and very genuinely delighted in each other.
As I considered what about love (and marriage) I wanted to share, these thoughts came to mind:

Love requires a choice. 

 I think it would be more accurate to say that love requires many choices; but I wand to debunk the idea that people arbitrarily fall in love.  We chose to love...or to be infatuated with another person.

First you choose to spend time with them.  Then you choose to connect yourself, or associate yourself with them. Maybe you choose to see the beautiful things about them. Sometimes you may choose to ignore the not so beautiful things about them.  Who you "fall in love" with is a choice.  It's not like the old commercial used to advertise. "I have fallen and I can't get up". Anyone remember that commercial?
In our young and searching years, it would behoove us to choose wisely and involve much prayer and counsel.
The second thought that comes to mind is that...

Love Requires humility.

Man, or woman, you will often have to chose to put your own pride aside...if you want a great marriage.  Both the husband and the wife has strengths and weaknesses.  Often, the strength of one will compensate for the weakness of the other. 

If we are humble enough see and admit that our weakness exists.  Then it will require humility to realize that your spouse is strong in that area.  If we want to be better together, we will humble ourselves enough to point out that strength in them and admit that we need help with said area.  This also requires trust.   Sometimes we keep quiet because we aren't sure that we can trust someone else with knowing too much about us.  We set up walls and borders that don't allow us to grow into who we could be...

Another topic for another day!

One of the things we were gifted on the retreat is a series written by Dr. Tony Evans - the "Kingdom Agenda" series. It has three parts: One booklet "for Men Only,  One booklet "for Women Only,  and One booklet for Couples to read together.

One thought that spoke to be in the Women only book is about us as women "putting up the yield sign"  and allowing our husbands the right of way in all matters in our marriage.  This REQUIRES humility; but I realize that if no one acknowledges who has the right of way, then none of us would ever arrive at our proper destinations in one piece, or on time.  One partner committed to godly leadership (yielding to God's ways and views) and the other partner, the wife, yielding to the leadership of her husband (as God has commanded us to do in His word) will require each partner to humble themselves in the sight of God and man. Last of all for today...

Love Requires work.

People with jump through hoops for years in pursuit of money or a dream career; but give up in a year if their marriage requires them to leave their comfort zone for any reason.  We become lazy in pursuit of our spouses hearts.  We don't want to put in any extra effort  to go out of our way to do something that inconveniences us; but would make life easier or more pleasant for our spouse.

I am always challenged by what scripture says. Let the woman be in subjection to her own husband.  Let her boss ask her to work overtime...no problemo.  Let her husband ask her for a little extra time.  SAY WHAT!@#@!

And visa versa.  I challenge my husband, who is a great man, to be careful about bending over backwards for Suzie Q.  I do not have a jealous nature.  Honestly, I think my husband would like it if I was a little more zealous in that area; but even I don't like when he spends time with others that I don't feel like he would spend with us voluntarily.  It is easy to neglect the ones who  seam to require the least from us.  You may have a high maintenance job and a low maintenance family.  Making it a point to spend time working on and developing that low maintenance relationships will bring a great return in time. 

May this little post bless and challenge you in your love!

Until Next Time, 

Three Mistakes

Hello Friends!

Thank you for joining me today. What is the topic of interest? Well, I am in a reflective mood this morning, so I will be talking about my mistakes.  I actually have been wanting to write about this topic for a few weeks now; but I am finally sitting down to do it.

I have been a pastor's wife for about 10 years.  TEN YEARS!!! It is hard for me to believe.  After the first year I wanted to write down all the things I learned in our first year here; but never did.  My desire is to be faithful at journaling daily; but I have not worked hard enough at cultivating that desire; so it isn't happening daily; but I do journal.  I mention journaling because I have some things jotted down; these three things I will share with you today.

Mistake Number One: Focusing on the Work instead of the Lord.

      Before we became the pastor and pastor's wife of this church, we prayed daily for God's direction and the willingness to obey when He showed us that it was time for change.  A decade ago my husband was serving as the assistant pastor and youth director of a church in North Carolina.  To be quite honest, when we got the call to leave, I was just starting to feel at home.  It was our third year of marriage.  I had just had our first child. I had my own local friends and was finding my place in our community and local church.  I am not sure why; but that same month we were offered two other ministry opportunities.  We prayerfully considered all three and knew that this was the place where God wanted us to serve. 

With much excitement and anticipation, we packed our little trailer and moved to Arkansas.  God had called us here.  We knew we were where He wanted us to be; problem was, few others knew it.  I thought that the folks of our town would flock to our church when they saw the love and dedication we brought with us.  I thought that when they saw that we wanted to help them make the best of their lives for the Glory of God that the people of our town would be grateful for such a family to leave their home and come here to minister.  After all,  my husband is a graduate of Bible Institute, a great preacher, a man of integrity, a prayer warrior, ....and I could go on.

I am a Bible College graduate and have a few gifts and abilities as well.  In my mind, we made a great team.  We had arrived and were going to conquer our area for Christ. Problem? Nobody seemed to care....at least not the ones that I wanted to care. There were SEVERAL services where only our family was present.  I became discouraged. Why?  Because I began to focus on the work (the people)  instead of the Lord.  I had forgotten that Only God is faithful all the time.  Only God knows all the time you spend in prayer and in the word.  Only God sees your heartaches and heartbreaks.  Only God knows why and how He is using the work that you do. Only God can provide every need.  How does the song go?  Noone ever cared for me like Jesus.  It took me a  w h i l e  to stop waiting for the people to see me as mentor and friend. In those early days and years (if I am honest)  to forgot that God not only sees me; but that He has promises that He will never break.

My Challenge to You:

NO matter what you are involved in, let God be responsible for the results. Focus on the only thing that you can have control over,  your obedience to what you are responsible for and your own attitude.  God has truly blessed our family!  We aren't where we hope to be; but we are a lot further along on this journey than we were ten years ago.   God gives my husband a message.  We have done our best to put the things he preaches into practice.  If nobody else wants to show up to be fed; let us be found in our place, doing the work we are called to do, and receiving the blessings from being obedient.

Mistake Number Two:  Being Over-eager

My second issue was that I thought that just because I had, what I thought, was good information to share; that I should share as much as possible and that people would show up to hear what I had to give.  I planned events for our ladies. Lots of events. I would have classes where I taught things like cooking healthy and wholesome meals, parenting classes, how to study the word classes, bow making classes, and so on and so forth.  Often, I was the only one who would show up.

The people are not to bear the total blame here.

I have come to learn that I tend to give too much.  To over-prepare.  In other words; I was so eager to be a blessing that I overwhelmed them.
It is possible that my teaching could have been interpreted that "you need to become more like me and this is how"; or "everything you think you know about God is wrong, and this is why".

My Challenge to You:

In the first year, focus your walk with God; then your family, then the church - in that order. In the second year, focus on your walk with God; then your family, then the church.  In the fifth year, focus on your walk with God, then your family, then the church.  In the tenth year, focus on your walk with God, your family, then the church.  I slowly began focusing some of the energy that I was giving to helping better other people's homes to my own.  You know what?  I am glad I did.  Some of the families that I spent so much time trying to help weren't able to hear me, weren't willing to do the work, and most have since disappeared.

Mistake Number Three: Having No Personal Boundaries or Limitations

In the Bible, there are qualifications for a pastor, for a deacon, and for the wife of deacons.  There are no qualifications for the pastor's wife.   What should I learn from this?  The gifts that God gave you to use in the church, use them accordingly, just like any other church member is commanded to do.  Anything extra that you do, is just that.  Extra!  I am not saying that you shouldn't stretch yourself, or  ever serve sacrificially.  I am saying that if you choose to do those "extra" things, do them for the Lord and Him only as an offering. 

My Challenge to you:

Initially, I was only a phone call away.  I would help pretty much any and everybody with any and every need. I used some discretion; but not much. "NO" was not a word that I liked to use often.
No Bueno!

Prayerfully set boundaries for yourself and stick to them without exception.  Otherwise you will feel unappreciated and may even become that bitter pastor's wife that eventually doesn't even go to church.
If you are curious about the boundaries I have set for myself, send me a message or comment and I will be happy to share; but realize that they are what God has given ME peace about and may not be for you.

Also, especially in the first year, don't add anything to the schedule.  Change as little as possible. Learn the community.  There may be a reason why the service is set for an odd time (to you) on an odd day.  There may be a good reason why there's no Sunday School or vacation Bible school at your church.  And dare I say (as a person who was saved as a result of the bus ministry) there may even be a reason why your church doesn't run a bus or van to bring people to church.  Begin new things with much prayer and clear and definitive direction from God. Occasionally my husband will ask me to do things, and I have to challenge even him a little bit instead of saying a quick yes.  This is the new, more mature me.  It's not always comfortable; but It helps me to be the sane and loving me.

May this blog post bless somebody's life!

Until Next Time,

View companion vlog on YouTube here: Three Mistakes!

I Need a Cleansing!

Hello Friends!

Last year, the ladies of our church met together about three times for the purpose of focusing on and sharing a specific portion of scripture.  Our first meeting had the theme of putting God first (Matthew 6:33) .  The second meeting we studied the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5). In the third meeting we focused on the armor of God as it pertains to women and mothering (Ephesians 6).

We had our first meeting for the year last Saturday.  Our verse and topic to meditate on was Psalm 119:9 - 

"Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word."

I thought it was very appropriate that the ladies wanted to have a juice bar instead of normal snacks.  I mean, who isn't up for a cleansing juice, right!?!

The meeting went well; but one thing stood out to me as I was preparing for my five minutes of sharing.  The difference in the definition of clean and cleanse.  Clean has to do with removing dirt from the external.  Cleanse has to do with purifying the internal. 

The best tool I know for cleansing the soul is the Word of God.  As a young person I was challenged to hide the word of God in my heart, to read it daily, to memorize it, and to put into practice what I learned.  I don't think I realized how establishing the habit of reading the Word of God was cleansing my way.

I tried to issue the same challenge to our ladies.  I know the verse specifically says, "young man"; but I believe ANYONE can benefit from taking heed to the word of God.  Rather than focusing on looking like a clean vessel; May we let the Word of God make us a clean vessel, by cleansing us of our ways and intents; and replacing them with His.

Until Next Time,

New Year. New Word.

Hello Friends!
It's Tinyla again and I want to wish you a wonderful new year! I am so excited about 2020 and all of the potential it has. Sooo...

In the last blog post I mentioned that I prayed for and focused on the phrase "enlarged capacity". I communicated, I hope, that I prayed earnestly for an enlarged capacity; but my understanding of what that meant was immature.

Now that I know a little better; what have I chosen to focus on in this new year? One word, Pursue.   Pursue, by definition  (according to Mr. Webster) means 1.) to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish: to seek. 2.) to proceed along; or 3.) to engage in.

What am I trying to accomplish or obtain?
What am I seeking?
Proceed along what?
Engage in what?

I want to pursue all that God has for me.
I want to seek His face.
I want to continue, or proceed in walking with Him.
I want to engage in the tasks that He has for me.

My focus for this year is to pursue the best version of Tinyla as a child of God, as a wife, as a mother, as a church member, as a sister, as a friend.  I pray He continues to enlarge me. I pray that He continues to increase my faith; that he helps me to not become weary in well doing; and that by this time next year I will be a better person than I am today...because I look more like Christ.

What is your goal for this year?
What are you focused on in your life?


Until next time,