This past week I came across the word "forbearance" about 3 or 4 times. There are a couple of things that I am praying about and I believe that the answer the Lord is giving me is to FORBEAR.
The more I meditate on forbearance, the more I can see how needy I am in exercising it in MANY areas of my life. Before I share further, let's begin with it's definition.
Forbearance (according to Mr. Webster) is : a refraining from the enforcement of something (such as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due: Patience : the quality of being forbearing : Leniency
What comes to mind are the phrases mercy in Action. Patience with hope.
There are days when I feel like a drill sergeant barking out orders...
There are days when I feel like I am critiquing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G the children do and say...
There are days when I am short instead of sweet to my husband (usually because he has forgotten to do something that I asked him to do, he is not doing something the way I would prefer it to be done, or he has offended me in some way that I haven't communicated with him about (yet😉)...
There are days when I wish God would just hurry up and (fill in the blank)...
On such days, I lack forbearance! I mentioned mercy in action. My children have benefited in many ways from having the cousins live with us this year; but I am sure they sometimes miss their sweet mama. When children who have been brought up in a home environment completely different from their current one; many adjustments have to be made for everyone involved. I never used to yell at my kids. NEVER!!! When the cousins came, they couldn't hear me sometimes until I yelled at them. I am back to my no yell policy now. They have adjusted; but my children had to live with me during the period of adjustment. I wish it never had to be so.
I mentioned patience with hope. One of my children is a lot like her father. She is on her own clock and often in a different world. She is also incredibly smart and has a more mechanical mind. That first issue requires MUCH patience...but hope is expectation. I can tolerate her being slow about some things because I know she will get it. I often have to remind myself (with her) to not say "hurry up!" When it's important for her to stay with the group, I ask the Lord to give me ways to help her that don't crush her spirit...usually. Like I said, there are days!
Patience with hope....Raising someone else's kids, for any length of time, requires patience. The kids will have ways about them that you will admire and that will make you proud to know them. They will also have ways about them that make you angry or sad and that you wish you could just erase for their own good. I have these emotions about my own kids too; but usually my husband or I have/had those same ways about us, so we kinda know how to handle our kids. Not knowing the parents or why the child thinks a certain way or does a certain thing is frustrating. What can one do in such circumstances? Pray! Teach them the right way again and again. Guide them with Truth. Love and compliment them openly and verbally as much as is possible.
Remember that consistency and repetition are KEY.
Chose your battles wisely. Don't try to correct every issue that pops up. It's important that you win the heart of the child. You cannot do that if you attack everything about them.
Before we had our children my husband and I were looking into fostering children for adoption. We took the classes at our local DHS and the whole thing. One of the things I remember is that we were told not to wash all the children's clothes/toys right away. I didn't understand that at first; but what message does it send when a child enters your house and you take all of his/her "clean" clothes and their favorite snuggle bear and throw them into the wash?
Apply that same principle to the child's speech, habits, and mannerisms. Try and discover the beautiful one inside and encourage them to let that person shine through all the rough stuff. As I mentioned somewhere before, you must connect before you can correct! Let me close this post out with what I am hearing the Lord say to me.
"Forbearance is Love in action. Mercy in action. Patience in action. Tinyla, Practice it! I promise to help you. " - Jesus
"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;" -Ephesians 4:2
Additional Related Scripture: Romans 2:4; Romans 3:25; Ephesians 6:9; Colossians 3:13 to end of chapter
Until Next Time,
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