Brayden's Story

 April 8th, 2018 was my due date for Brayden's birth.  What was supposed to be a day of joy, turned out to be a tough one emotionally.  Brayden was born on March 11th, a Sunday.  I won't go into detail here about that because I have copied our prayer letter and pasted it below for those interested in reading his birth story in a nutshell.  The whole experience was really....awkward.  I have a photo of us holding Brayden after he was born.  The nurse took the picture of us smiling and holding our newborn baby.  Looking back, I have no idea why we were smiling...its just a natural reflex to smile for the camera I guess.  What else were we supposed to do?  Please understand that I am not writing this in a spirit of grief or bitterness.  The Lord promised to comfort and give grace in time of need. Believe me when I tell you that He has not broken that promise.  I can truly say that we have peace that passes human understanding.  Lying in the hospital bed that night I turned on the television out of boredom and curiosity.  We don't have cable or anything at our home by choice; so I was not sure what I would find.  I settled on a Christian television channel and heard a preacher preach a message entitled, "Get out of Gethsemane".  I listened to hear what he meant by the title.  He went on to say that Jesus stayed in the garden of Gethsemane and pleaded with God the Father about HIS will for Him (Jesus).  Jesus even cried tears mingled with blood; but once the enemy showed up to arrest him, he was ready to move on and carry his cross with boldness.  What did that mean for me?  I thought I was handling the whole situation pretty well.  I was complimented by many people, including my doctors, about how well I was handling everything.  I didn't think I needed to hear that message; but I was wrong.  The Bible says in John somewhere (chapter 15, I think) that God's sheep hear His voice.  He was speaking to me through that message from a pastor I would never have otherwise heard. 

We pleaded with God to give us a healthy baby boy.  He said no. I am to accept it and continue on with grace and boldness.  This is what the Holy Spirit said to me.  On days when I am hurting, but life goes on...I am to go on as well.  I cannot expect my family and the church to stop having needs just because I do.  I am to get up early. Allow God to fill my cup, including comfort when needed, and pour into others whether I feel up to it or not. I have experienced some really special times with the Lord over these last 2 months...really, even before these last two months as we waited for God to work on Brayden's behalf.  The Lord has been good to us.  I am sure He has been good to you as well.  I hope this little letter will encourage you, as  you experience uncomfortable things in your life.  If so, let me know.  

Below is our church prayer letter.  As I said, it goes into more detail about Brayden's birth. Thank you for sharing this time with me. 

Sincerely, 

April 23, 2018

Dear Pastor and Praying Friends,

 For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. – Romans 14:8

     In our previous letter we asked for prayer regarding our son, Brayden.  He was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.  On Thursday, March 7^th, we went for his 36 week checkup, and found out that he had passed sometime that morning.  We know it had to have happened that morning because he was such an active little fella and that morning was no different.  Even the ultrasound tech thought he was sound asleep upon first glance because he had not yet begun to show any signs of death. You can imagine how shocked we were when we found no heartbeat.

     The doctors recommended that my wife try and go into labor naturally for the sake of her health, so she did.  March 11, 2018, Spring forward Sunday, she began to have contractions as she was preparing for church.  Once we were sure it was real labor we headed for the hospital just down the street.  He was delivered that afternoon at  just after 1:00.  We had a small memorial service on the following Thursday.  I am thankful for those who attended, two of which raised their hand for salvation.  As was  mentioned in the verse above, Brayden was the Lord’s while he lived in the womb; and Brayden is definitely the Lord’s now.  We are thankful for the opportunity to have been his family for the brief time that he was with us.  Of course, we would have preferred to have him with us now; but we trust our heavenly Father, who loves us more than we could ever imagine, to know what is best for Brayden and us.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support for our family and our church.  May the Lord continue His work in us.

In His Service,

Pastor Raymond Beckles

Lighthouse Baptist church

Newport, Arkansas

Laundry, Laundry, Laundry!

A while back I posted on Facebook that every laundry day I contemplate becoming a minimalist.  When you have six people in one house dirtying clothes daily....laundry piles up pretty quickly.  What have I done to maintain peace, order, and cleanliness in our home? As with anything when you have small children in the home, it is a work in progress; but the following are the steps I have taken:

Step 1.)  I downsized everyone's wardrobe.  I am a HUGE fan of goodwill and consignment shopping.  One thing I have discovered about my self is that I have a habit of justifying buying more because I am "saving" so much money by shopping second hand.  Well, I have learned that children grow very quickly!  The item of clothing that is SO ADORABLE will not be as adorable when it is found in the closet  and has never been worn, or only worn once this season. If it is hard to match with anything else I have; or has an incredibly short season for wear...let someone else have it.
To keep myself on track, I printed out the Minimalist Mom's wardrobe list for her children .  I modified it to fit our situation. I went through everyone's wardrobe and removed the unnecessary clothing. I then donated anything worth wearing (If I wouldn't spend money on it, then it belongs in the trash) to Goodwill.  This left our closets and drawers looking and feeling so much more manageable.

Step 2.)  I downsize again at the end of the season .  I get rid of clothes not worth handing down and pack the rest away for the next year/child.

Step 3.)  I repeat this mantra with the children....I have to do this quite frequently with one child in particular..."If It's something I already wore, it doesn't go back in my drawer."  Once a month I check all the children's closets and drawers for things that are unclean or have been shoved back into the corner or dropped behind.  Also, I check for things that they never wear. I have learned to ask them why they don't wear the said item.  My son told me that he didn't like a pair of pants that I bought him because they looked like girl pants.  I thought they were "so adorable"; but I donated them anyway because I wanted to encourage him in noticing the difference between the genders.

Look who I found hiding in the closet.💕

Step 4.)  Last, but not least, I do 2 loads of laundry about 3 to 4 days a week. Usually I start Monday morning just before breakfast.  The kids help me sort the clothes, then I put them in the wash.  My two oldest girls help with putting them in the dryer and getting them out of the dryer.  Everyone except my husband, even little Rayanna (age 2), puts their own clothes away.  If they are too young to fold their own clothes, then they don't get folded.  This has saved my sanity!!! The clothes are dumped on the couch and then I call everyone in to sort the laundry and get their own things.  This process is SO much more efficient for us than me trying to be superwoman and do it all.

I hope this helps someone!

Now on to some pics of the life of the Beckles...

The Beckles
Resurrection Sunday 2018

Week 36ish

Brayden's funeral ceremony at the graveside

Us wearing purple for Trisomy 18 awareness day

Our 2 furry family members

Tablet time

Cassidy's free time activity

Aaliyah's free time activity

The chickens in our side yard

Those of you who know us, know that I was expecting a little one. He was due to arrive April the 8th.  He passed away on March 7th, 2018 due to  Trisomy 18.  I promise to write about this at a later date; but am not comfortable sharing about that at this time.  Thank you for your prayers. Have a wonderful Spring!!!

Until Next Time,

UP Connection

You must Connect before you Correct!

I think the first and most important thing for a parent to do is learn the value in connecting with your child as soon as possible and as early in the day as possible. Before they mess up, or you loose your temper and offend them, etc; have a moment in which you look them in the eye and let them know that you love them and that you like them. It is easier to forgive the offenses of others when you have already established a connection or strong bond with them.  This creates grace for the day.

What does this look like? When you see them first thing in the morning, say a sincere "Good Morning!" and ask if they slept well.  Here lately in our home the next topic of conversation has been what they had a dream about the night before.  I am not sure if my son really dreams or not; but he always has a story to tell, and it is always wild!

Give great hugs!  Three of my children is a huggers...one is not.  I don't care.  She gets a hug anyway.

Some days I ask them what they want for breakfast...if Daddy hasn't already said, or is up for suggestions.

Start their day with a gift.  It doesn't have to be expensive...it may just be a little note in their school folder or under their pillow.

And my last example, ask them what a perfect day looks like to them, and attempt to make it happen!  This is not always possible, especially when one of your children says their perfect day would involve a trip to the moon! In which case learning about space and pictures of the moon would have to do.

In order to raise healthy, productive children who love and respect you; you must show them love and respect.  Invest in them.  Remember they are little adults and that someday they will most likely be the parents of your grandchildren; and that they also may be responsible for what happens in your future in years to come. ;)

Jeremiah 30:14 - All thy lovers have forgotten thee; they seek thee not; for I have wounded thee with the wound of an enemy, with the chastisement of a cruel one, for the multitude of thine iniquity; because thy sins were increased.

1 Peter 4:8 - And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

A Day in the Life Pics:

AND of course the puppies...

Until Next Time,

UP (Unparented Parents)

One of the things that burdens my heart most is the way that some parents treat their children.  I am especially burdened for single mothers and their families because I believe that families in this category (single parent homes) are challenged most in the area of kindness to one another and training children for success.  Single parents seem to mostly by trying to make it through to the next day alive! My mother and I both grew up in single parent homes. My grandmother, on the other hand, was raised in an orphanage from the age of 5 to adulthood. Her mother died and her father was rendered not capable of raising children due to his severe alcoholism.  I believe that because of my family history, I figured I needed some help in bringing up children that would actually do something productive with their lives.

Once I decided that I would marry and become a mother (God-willing), I began to study good, succesful homes and reflect on the homes of those I had been exposed to in my short life time.
I absolutely love to read information regarding family (ie. love, marriage, child rearing, birth order, etc.).  I also love to share information with others about how to love their children and train them for success in life.  This may seem odd, as my children are still very young; but I know that (by the grace and mercy of God) I am experiencing a measure of success in a few areas regarding child rearing.   I say this because almost every place we go,  my children receive compliments on their behavior.  I do not deserve all the credit for any apparent success with our children because I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man who is a great father. Also, I ask God for wisdom almost daily regarding my children and their future.
Why am I saying all this....because several people have hinted that I should write a book  and give seminars about training children. I keep feeling impressed to do so by the Lord as well.  I have begun studying and writing.  Although the book is nowhere near publication, I have decided to share some highlights with you.  It is my hope and prayer that some family somewhere will be blessed by this information! Let me know what you think ...and leave questions please, if you have any!

Until next time,

Puppies!

As I prepare for us to begin another year of school, I am reflecting over our Summer.  What an eventful Summer it was! We always officially break for summer after Aaliyah's and Cassidy's birthdays in June (they are 1 day shy of being 2 years apart) until the Tuesday after Labor day (Raymond DeSean is a Labor Day baby).We adjusted the end of our school year because the cousins joined us for about 5 months. I homeschooled my 3 plus my nephew (we enrolled the 2 girls in the local public school).  This Summer we visited two working farms, went to a several local events, visited several museums, and went to Oklahoma, California, and Mexico; and (the topic of this post) lost 1 beloved dog, but gained several more.

February of 2008 we adopted Nikitta into our family.

She lost sight in one eye last year and sight in the other eye sometime in late April.  The vet said there was nothing they could do; but to keep a close eye on her for signs of depression.  Sure enough she began to loose interest in playing and started to sleep more and put on a lot of weight.  With great sorrow we decided we would have to put her down.  About a week before we were scheduled to do so, my husband went out early one Sunday morning to go feed the chickens.  Directly beside the door was a grey puppy all curled up.  She wouldn't move.  We offered her food and water, but she seemed disinterested.  I offered her milk and she lapped it right up.  We kept and eye on her and she soon regained enough strength to stand and eat. This was when we noticed that she had a dislocated leg and a bloody foot.  We guessed that she possibly fell out of the back of someones truck and wandered around until she just found a safe, quiet place to die.

To make a long story short...We took her to the vet. Advertised for her owner;but never found her.  She seemed to join right into the family; so we decided to keep her after about a month of no response from anyone.  We even took her on vacation with us in July.  The grandparents wanted their vet to check her out, so she did.  Well, it was from this visit to the vet that we discovered that Nadia was no pup! She was at least 2 maybe 3 years old and was pregnant with at least 4 pups!

One week after we returned home, Nadia birthed 9 puppies!!! 5 boys and 4 girls.  Just one more thing to add to our adventure for this Summer...we now have a barn cat! Cassidy has been praying for a kitten; but I thought surely the Lord was say "no" since I am allergic to cats.  No such luck!

9 puppies

Nadia when she first arrived.

Our "new" cat officially named "Kitty". 
Not very original, I know!
Aaliyah holding the cat on the day of the eclipse.

Murder!

Dear Praying Friends,
I will be as sensitive as possible. There is a family who attended our church for about 2 years. They have almost all been saved and baptized in those 2 years.; but have not attended faithfully for about 6 months. They are in serious need of prayer! Their son - age 18- is being held in jail for the senseless murder of a police officer. While I am not saying that it is impossible that he is guilty; it is very hard for me to believe that he is the murderer. This act is completely opposite of the type of person we believe him to be. His aunt, who picked him up and very quickly and purposefully drove him to the police station so that he could answer any questions that they had for him, is convinced that he is innocent. The media is saying that he has confessed to the act; but his family says otherwise. I did not speak to him personally; but my husband did yesterday. We are praying for Officer Weatherford ' s family; please join us...but also pray for Tyler ' s family and for the truth to be revealed.

Above all We want the name of CHRIST to be magnified. The Enemy's purpose has been accomplished. He has stolen the peace of a community, he has killed a great man, one young man's life will be destroyed...potentially 2 young mens' lives will be destroyed. May we, the people of God, pray humbly for perfect Justice and Mercy!

Update:

Tyler has been released and the true murderer has made a full confession and been arrested; but different rules apply for him because he is a minor. Please continue to pray for the families of all involved.  Even though Tyler has been proven innocent of this crime,  people have made threats to his life.  He was rejected from certain school systems . He is a Senior and will be the only child in his family for generations who will not be graduating from the local high school. He has had to move away from his home town for his own safety's sake. This is such a very sad situation. Thank you all for your prayers.

Until Next Time,

Tinyla

Day by Day

Day by day, and with each passing moment, Strength I find to meet my trials here; Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment, I’ve no cause for worry or for fear. He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure, Gives unto each day what He deems best, Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure, Mingling toil with peace and rest. Every day the Lord Himself is near me, With a special mercy for each hour; All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me, He whose name is Counselor and Pow’r. The protection of His child and treasure Is a charge that on Himself He laid; “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,” This the pledge to me He made. This song  has been on my heart and mind this week. I just thought I would share. Until next time,  Tinyla