Love Note

Lunchbox Love Note

by Kenn Nesbitt

Inside my lunch to my surprise

a perfect heart-shaped love note lies.

The outside says, "Will you be mine?"

and, "Will you be my valentine?"

I take it out and wonder who

would want to tell me "I love you."

Perhaps a girl who's much too shy

to hand it to me eye to eye.

Or maybe it was sweetly penned

in private by a secret friend

Who found my lunchbox sitting by

and slid the note in on the sly.

Oh, I'd be thrilled it were Jo, 

the cute one on the second row.

Or could it be from Jennifer:

Has she found out I'm sweet on her?

My mind's abuzz, my shoulders tense.

I need no more of this suspense.

My stomach lurching in my throat,

I open up my little note.

Then Wham! as if

it were a bomb, 

inside it reads,

"I love you-Mom."

This is a cute, little poem I found in search of something for our church bulletin last Mother's Day.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Until Next Time,

Forbearance

Occasionally I feel like a foster parent or a step parent.  Opening with this statement is going to feel disjointed from the post for a while; but please bear with me.

This past week I came across the word "forbearance" about 3 or 4 times.  There are a couple of things that I am praying about and I believe that the answer the Lord is giving me is to FORBEAR.

The more I meditate on forbearance, the more I can see how needy I am in exercising it in MANY areas of my life.  Before I share further, let's begin with it's definition. 

Forbearance (according to Mr. Webster) is : a refraining from the enforcement of something (such as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due: Patience : the quality of being forbearing : Leniency 

What comes to mind are the phrases mercy in Action. Patience with hope. 
There are days when I feel like a drill sergeant barking out orders...
There are days when I feel like I am critiquing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G the children do and say...
There are days when I am short instead of sweet to my husband (usually because he has forgotten to do something that I asked him to do, he is not doing something the way I would prefer it to be done,  or he has offended me in some way that I haven't communicated with him about (yet😉)...

There are days when I wish God would just hurry up and (fill in the blank)...

On such days, I lack forbearance!  I mentioned mercy in action.  My children have benefited in many ways from having the cousins live with us this year; but I  am sure they sometimes miss their sweet mama.  When children who have been brought up in a home environment completely different from their current one; many adjustments have to be made for everyone involved.  I never used to yell at my kids.  NEVER!!!  When the cousins came, they couldn't hear me sometimes until I yelled at them.  I am back to my no yell policy now.  They have adjusted; but my children had to live with me during the period of adjustment.  I wish it never had to be so.

I mentioned patience with hope.  One of my children is a lot like her father.  She is on her own clock and often in a different world.  She is also incredibly smart and has a more mechanical mind.  That first issue requires MUCH patience...but hope is expectation.  I can tolerate her being slow about some things because I know she will get it.  I often have to remind myself (with her) to not say "hurry up!"  When it's important for her to stay with the group, I ask the Lord to give me ways to help her that don't crush her spirit...usually.  Like I said, there are days!

Patience with hope....Raising someone else's kids, for any length of time, requires patience.  The kids will have ways about them that you will admire and that will make you proud to know them.  They will also have ways about them that make you angry or sad and that you wish you could just erase for their own good. I have these emotions about my own kids too; but usually my husband or I have/had those same ways about us, so we kinda know how to handle our kids.  Not knowing the parents or why the child thinks a certain way or does a certain thing is frustrating.  What can one do in such circumstances?  Pray!  Teach them the right way again and again.  Guide them with Truth.  Love and compliment them openly and verbally as much as is possible.
Remember that consistency and repetition are KEY. 
Chose your battles wisely.  Don't try to correct every issue that pops up. It's important that you win the heart of the child.  You cannot do that if you attack everything about them.

Before we had our children my husband and I were looking into fostering children for adoption.  We took the classes at our local DHS and the whole thing.  One of the things I remember is that we were told not to wash all the children's clothes/toys right away.  I didn't understand that at first; but what message does it send when a child enters your house and you take all of his/her "clean" clothes and their favorite snuggle bear and throw them into the wash?

Apply that same principle to the child's speech, habits, and mannerisms.  Try and discover the beautiful one inside and encourage them to let that person shine through all the rough stuff.  As I mentioned somewhere before, you must connect before you can correct!  Let me close this post out with what I am hearing the Lord say to me.

"Forbearance is Love in action.  Mercy in action. Patience in action.  Tinyla,  Practice it!  I promise to help you. " - Jesus


"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;" -Ephesians 4:2

Additional Related Scripture:  Romans 2:4; Romans 3:25; Ephesians 6:9; Colossians 3:13 to end of chapter

Until Next Time,

Kindness Pays!

Part  Two:

Ticket Cash in Day is a great day for the kids.  I enjoy seeing them so excited about getting paid for their efforts; but this day also means that I will have to take 7 kids shopping soon...not my favorite thing, but peace is worth the inconvienence!  We have Kindness Cash out days twice a month.

What does cash in day look like?

A.)  I gather the materials necessary for this event.
          1.  Our ticket bucket (converted pretzel container)
          2.  The kids piggy banks
          3.  Pen and paper for recording their giving/choices.
B.)  I call everyone to the table and we tally separate and count all the tickets.  The person with the     
       most gets 10 extra tickets ($1).

C.)  The kids, 1 by 1, decide how they will divide up what they have earned.
   

Spending Options

1. Tithe.  10% of total
2. Save.  10% of total goes into their banks.  Sometimes some of them chose to save more, sometimes some of them whine about having to save anything.  
3. Give.  5% or more.  We have 2 organizations that the kids have chosen to give to for Christmas at the end of the year. They have to give 5%.  Sometimes some of them chose to give more, sometimes some of them whine about giving anything.
4. Spend...whatever they have left.  I encourage them to make wise spending choices. I have a bucket of candy that they can purchase for a dime a piece.  (They haven't yet figured out that they can purchase their own bags from the dollar store for less.  I am glad because I am not a parent that promotes candy whenever we want it.) I also give them the option of buying extra screen time (1 cent/minute).

The Kindness Contest is a tool we use in our home to encourage and teach kindness, good communication skills, problem solving skills, stewardship and money management.

How do you promote these attributes in your home?  I would love to know.  Comment below or shoot me an email at tinylabeckles@yahoo.com.  I would love to hear from you!

Until Next time,

Kindness Contest (revisited)

A couple of years ago I shared an idea that we practice in our home called the "Kindness Contest".  A dear friend of mine has asked me to give more details about it.  As requested, here we go!

What?

Kindness Contest:  

The children are given tickets (purchased at dollar tree) for:
1.)  Doing acts of kindness (i.e. putting someone else's things in its proper place, sharing, giving a sincere compliment, volunteering to help with something, or spending time reading to or playing with a sibling when they would rather be doing something else.)

2.)  Going above and beyond what is expected of them. I give them tickets for every book they write down in their reading journal. I also give tickets for "perfect" work.  If they do both sides of a math worksheet with no mistakes, they get a ticket.  Other acts of going beyond are volunteering to pick up trash that has blown into our yard, or spending time playing with or grooming the pets without being asked.

3.) The children loose tickets for 1 reason only...tattling!  Every parent of multiple children knows that tattling is an extremely annoying issue.  It is important to REPORT important things for safety reasons or bad character issues (lying/stealing).  However, it is not acceptable  for one person to tattle on their sibling/cousin for the purpose of getting them in trouble or because one has not been a good communicator/problem solver.  I do not like having to police every one of the kids' actions.  When they come to me with issues, I stop them and ask them if 1.) whatever they are going to tell me is worth loosing a ticket? 2.)  If they have already tried to work it out with the person in question. If the answer is yes in both accounts, then I am all ears.  If the answer is No to either question...they have to tell me what the problem is, but I charge them a ticket for my time.

Why?:   This contest has completely changed the atmosphere in our home.  The kids are practicing kindness daily.  They are also practicing and exercising their communication and problem solving skills.  Invaluable.

One other thing I would like to note is that an Act of Kindness is included as part of their morning routine.  What does that mean?  It means that before they are allowed to eat breakfast, they must first show kindness to someone.  One day a child said to me, "I'm ready for breakfast!"  I asked, "Have you done all your morning things?  (pause) What act of kindness did you do?"  They told me and then asked me, "What act of kindness did you do today, Mama?( in an innocent and honestly curious voice)"  This was the day when I started making sure that I was practicing my acts of kindness daily as well.  For me, this looks more like over-achieving in my daily areas of responsibility, or attitude checks in my execution of my tasks.  Also, I make it a point to do little things for my husband that I know he appreciates, but doesn't expect me to do.  Some days this is easier than others; but on the harder to be kind days...this is especially good for me. 😉


Next Topic:  Kindness Rewarded  - What Payday looks like for the kids.

Until Next time,