A Note to Single Mamas....

photo credit

Hello Friends!

I have mentioned before that I have a heart for single mamas.
My mother was a single mom. Her mother was a single mom and orphaned at an early age. I have limited knowledge of our family history before her; so I'm not sure how far this cycle has been present in our family.
Our church is comprised mainly of single mamas and their children. I see things happen in their lives that burdens me.
My heart ached often as a child for my mother.  Someday I will share her story (from my perspective); but today I want to share some things that I think would have blessed our family. And may bless yours, if you are a single mama - for whatever reason.  If you know a single mama, please feel free to share if you think it will bless them. Thanks for visiting me today!

1. Know and Accept that fatherless homes are more susceptible to SO many ills in society; so realize that you are operating as the underdog when it comes to raising successful kids from a functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) home. Mama, you CANNOT be and weren't created to be Mom and Dad. Get some help! If you don't; you will likely drive yourself (and possibly your children) crazy.
2.  That being said, Be extremely intentional about your outside influences.   The first thing that comes to mind is the subject of sexual abuse.  I am not a psychologist or DHS worker; but I KNOW that children (girls and boys) are being sexually abused at alarming rates these days.  I once heard that three out of five  (3:5) children have been molested. How many kids do you have? If you don't want them to be counted among the three, you have to be Vigilant...even if people think you are being rude.  Don't sacrifice you children on the alter of social politeness!  The second subject that comes to mind is gang affiliations and cults.  Children without fathers are more susceptible to joining groups that manipulate folks as a means of recruiting them.  Side note:  Don't use manipulation as a means of getting your children to do what you want.  
3. Self Care is a must.  This applies to all mamas.  Often we feel tired and worn out because we are so busy sacrificially taking care of others.  Time passes. We feel unappreciated. We become bitter against those we took care of for most of their lives.  We feel like they owe us something; but they don't agree.  They often feel that you were doing your job and shouldn't expect to get paid.  After all, they didn't ask to be born.  I say, take time to pay yourself.  Invest in yourself.  Maybe get/give yourself a manicure periodically. Do, or get your hair done. Get a hobby.  Join a club somewhere. Make time to do something you love.  Learn to say no more often (politely) and yes slowly and less often (don't feel obligated to give a reason). And, as my wise husband told me, "Don't punish others because you failed to establish and enforce personal boundaries.".
4. Join/create a tribe.  This kind of pairs well with getting help.  Church is a great place to find a great tribe.  Even in church...still be selective (Remember, this is coming from a pastor's wife. Just because you go to church with them, doesn't mean they should be allowed into your inner circle.) Seek HIS face for who your tribe should include.  Mine includes an older couple that I met through our local library's book club. Not all of my tribe agrees with me about everything. This is a good thing.                                                                                                                              A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation. God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. - Psalm 68:5,6
5. Pour into yourself. This pairs well with self care and includes, at least for me, quiet time with the Lord every morning and sometimes at the kids' nap times.  I am blessed in that I live across from our church. Sometimes I get to go to church and just be still for a while.  Occasionally I go "clean the chicken house" which is code for me going to listen to a podcast or YouTube video. Nobody wants to volunteer to help me clean chicken poop! I know I will be left alone.
6. Frustration in being the "mean" parent happens; but it's worth it.  Have a vision for you kids and be wiling to do the hard things to make that vision happen.  Life is not always offering candy and gifts.  When the hard things come into your kid's lives.  Who do you think they will go to for real help? Long term respect is better than superficial love. 
7. Release yourself to be you - a human being with wants and needs of your own; who occasionally has a bad day. When down days happen, tell your kids just that.  I warn my family when I am not feeling like a patient and loving person. I don't always tell them why; but I do give them a heads up. Superwoman (or in this case supermama) is a myth. 
8. Marriage is not the be all and end all. Don't romanticize it - no pun intended. 😉 A happy marriage involves a lot of hard work. Also, if you don't know how to live by yourself and be happy; how do you expect to know how to live happily with a someone else in your life every. single. day. who will bring differing opinions, habits, and baggage into your home?  Personally, I would suggest to single moms that they wait to get married until all of their kids are at least middle school age.  This may be a naive suggestion; but in light of the afore mentioned things regarding abuse and such; I would be very careful to bring a man in my home that my children will be alone with in private settings when they aren't old enough to speak for themselves intelligently.  Maybe I am speaking from a paranoid married persons point of view; but I firmly believe this is good advice.  Infatuation (love) can cloud your vision and judgment.  You should at least submit yourself to the judgment of someone else when considering marriage.  If the man in consideration will not submit to pre-marital counseling (We recommend at least one day a week for six days); DON'T MARRY THAT PERSON!!!  During counseling; have the hard conversations.  
9. Last of all, limit outside activities - Have a goal for time spent at home. Learn who your children are as they are becoming that person.  Love your children for who they are are who they are becoming. Let them learn and love you.  Win their heart and they will keep yours in mind as they make choices in life.

I have given a lot of advice with very little scripture, so take this as my humble opinion on this matter; but please keep in mind that this is advice given with love and the background of a child's experience in this matter. What would you add/remove from this list?  I am interested to know.  Comment below or send me an email (tinylabeckles@yahoo.com).

Until Next Time,

It's Monday!

Hello Friends!

I love Monday's.  It's a day of rest for our family.  Most people would consider Saturday or Sunday their day of rest, or house cleaning day; but Monday's are our day to do those things.  Saturdays are basically our day to prep for Sunday.  Sunday is set apart for church.

On Monday's, I do the afore mentioned things. I also plan our homeschool work for the week.  I find this more helpful than planning every day for a year, semester, or month.

 Most importantly, I rest, do things I enjoy, and stay home as much as possible. Thoughts of errands that I need to run and other things that I "need" to do always pop up in my mind. I jot them down and do them on another day.  I think it is important to develop a love for home and model that love for your family.  What kind of message does it send to them when mama is always eager to go away from home, and always hesitant to return?  We (my husband and I) try to vocalize our love for being home every time we return.  Our homes are meant to be a place of refuge and peace. I am thankful for a day to restore order to our home and make it a pleasant place for us to do life together.

Today I thought I would share with you a few things that I enjoy. In closing, I will share with you a few snapshots of our September/October.  Thank you for spending time with us today!  Please come again.😁

I enjoy reading. 

I don't always have the time, opportunity, or stamina to read a "real" book; but I do love to at least make an attempt.

What's on my bookshelf?

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks  by Rebecca Skloot
     This is our library book club group's book of the month.  I am only able to attend about three times a year; but I thoroughly enjoy meeting with these ladies.  At this time I am the "darkest skinned" attendee and also the youngest.  I get to bring the "young", Black, Baptist perspective.  I love it!

What am I listening to on audible?

Creating Innovators: The Making of Young People Who Will Change the World by Tom Wagner
I listen to a book while I am doing house work, traveling,  or during nap time.  This is the book I chose for this month.

I enjoy knitting.

I am currently making a hat for my husband.  I have one step left; then I will choose another project to begin.

I enjoy music.

I play the piano.  I would consider myself an intermediate to moderately advanced level pianist.  I currently give lessons to three of my children as well as five other children.  I have committed myself to play a challenging piece every month as a church offertory.  This helps me not to become stagnant in my skill level.  I also am considering getting myself a guitar.  I don't play; but our Aaliyah has a ukulele and we are learning together. It is fun! I am currently learning to play "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder.   Our teacher , if your interested,  and the song.

What project am I currently tackling?

I am currently in the beginning stage of writing a Bible Study for ladies.  It is a study on the armor of God mentioned in Ephesians chapter six.  The passage is VERY familiar to most Christians and many great studies have been done; but sometimes I think that as mothers and women, we don't always see how critical it is for us to have our armor on daily. I hope to have it completed by Thanksgiving.

This will be my third attempt at a writing project.  I wrote a book about my hair journey about 9 years ago.  I was too chicken to submit it to publishers, and now there are several in print  that are so similar that I feel my book is now for my children's and my benefit only.  I wrote a children's book that was published about 6 years ago.  I lost the rights to it when the company went under due to its owners being prosecuted and sentenced to jail for making some terrible choices. I wish I had framed my first check instead of cashing it. 😉

ON the the snapshots of our lives...

The Beckles come for a visit! Uncle, Grandma, and Grandpa

The Beckles Men and boy

Us entering animals at our three county fair

Aaliyah showing her bunny

Aaliyah and Grace (the bunny)

Aaliyah and Grace won best of breed.

Raymond's hen won best of show.

Cassidy won first place for showmanship.

Wheel barrow race...we didn't win.

Picking Pumpkins

Fall display at our church

Until Next Time,

School Begins!

Hello Friends!

It's hard to believe that it has been a month since the last time I was here; but here we are!
This morning, I smiled to myself as I heard the public school bus pass by our house on the way to pick kids up for the first day of school.

One of the many reasons that I am thankful for the opportunity to homeschool is that I don't have to wake up any little people early in the morning and prep them for a day away from home.

We actually began school again several weeks ago.  I hadn't originally planned to begin that early; but both the kids and I were ready. They were actually asking to go ahead and start.

This year (2019-2020), I am planning to continue teaching 6 weeks on and 1 -3 weeks off (the longer time for Christmas and the new year as well as Easter week). I call them sessions and we will have about 6 sessions (36) weeks of school.  One of the many differences from last year is that every child will be doing some amount of school five days a week.  Last year, only the older ones "did school" daily.

We really enjoy our week off (this is week 7 - our week of rest) as it gives us all a break; but not so much so that I have to re-teach previously learned lessons.

During that week off the kids get to focus more on creativity, reading, more free play time outside, and extra time on their tablets/tv.  Ordinarily, they only play on their tablets/watch tv on the weekends.

On our week off I get to:
1.  Read for pleasure!
2.  Do house projects or focus on cleaning/organizing some area that has been neglected.
3.  Re -decorate for the season.
4.  Prepare for the next session.
5. Binge watch something on PBS, Netflix, or Prime.

Our fist session of school was mainly about review of what we already knew and getting into our new routine as "just the Beckles".    We are enjoying one another and I am seeing some siblings connect in ways that probably would not be happening if our beloved cousins were here.  As you think of them, please pray for them and their mom.  I haven't heard from them lately.  Life happens.

Thank you all for joining us today!

The white silkie on the top is "Pretty Ricky" our rooster.
The white one in the middle is our "surprise" rooster whom we now call "Albert Einstein".
He used to be "Sky"

Early morning shot of Rayanna doing tricks on the swing.

Rayanna dressed herself.  She is a little bit proud of her choice.

Snake ed at the library.  This is a real albino corn snake.

Sorting our recyclables

Aaliyah relaxing on a pontoon ride down the river.

Until next time,










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Summer Begins!

 Hello Friends!
For our family, the Summer usually begins with the big girls's birthdays.  Aaliyah's birthday is June 18th and Cassidy's birthday is June 17th.  We always aim to take a long break (3 or 4 weeks) from school and just focus on the family having a great time, beginning on the 17th.  This year, Summer sort of began on a down not for us, in that we took the cousins back to Oklahoma on the 10th of  June. 

We only were able to stay for a few hours and spend time with them at their home before we had to head back. We were able to see a little bit of my family before we had to head back.

Aaliyah and her new bunny, "Grace".

Cassidy

Rayanna

Aaliyah

Berry picking fun!

I truly enjoyed introducing my great Aunt Joyce to our Rayanna for the first time.  The last time she saw us, I was expecting Rayanna.  Aunt Joyce can be quite a character...but so can Rayanna!  My Aunt would say something, and Rayanna would look at me like - "is she for real!?!".

Once we landed back home, we rested for a couple of days and enjoyed the peace and quiet; then the festivities began!  Family only birthday parties, cooking classes, a district 4-H competition, Swimming and cookouts with friends, berry picking, etc.

Cooking Class

One thing I am especially proud to share is that the girls are beginning formal music lessons!!! I teach them piano because I have been playing for years; but I do not have a music degree; nor do I know how to play ukelele or clarinet.  I am excited about watching the girls's musical skills improve.

First Clarinet Lesson

How has your Summer been thus far?
What marks the beginning of Summer for your family?
Share with me in the comment section; or shoot me an email @tinylabeckles@yahoo.com.

Until Next Time,

Father's Day

Hello Friends!

I trust you all had a wonderful Father's Day!  We surely did.  In preparation for the day, I made a Dr.'s appointment early in the day on the Thursday before for my girls and I so that my husband wouldn't think it strange that we were gone for a long time.  The appointment was actually pretty quick; then Cassidy, Aaliyah and I left town to go shopping for my husband.  We found some things that we felt he would enjoy - Habanaro and Mango Kettle cooked potato chips, a piece of home decor, a eucalyptus candle that reminded me of his home in California (there are a lot of eucalyptus trees in his home town), and a fast charging device for his phone.  Aaliyah wrote him a beautiful poem, which we are going to frame. We also made homemade lasagna, using his mother's recipe.

We began our morning with a peek at the garden and a leisurely breakfast, then we dressed and prepared for the service.  After the service we ate cupcakes and took family pictures. Next we went home and dove into the lasagna, sprouted Italian bread, and a quality Olive Oil enhanced with seasonings for dipping.  I am going to take a minute and brag on myself here (ok...maybe I will share credit with my mother-in-love -) that was the best lasagna I have ever eaten!!! I skipped dessert and ate more...then I ate some for breakfast the next day!  I loved it so much that I am making more for this coming Sunday...then maybe I will take a break from Italian food (smile).

"Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law." - Proverbs 4:1,2

The kids memorized this verse in honor of this year's Father's Day.

I enjoy Father's Day, not because I had a great relationship with my father...he never even admitted I was his child.  I enjoy the day because I celebrate those men who influenced me in my formative years and because I enjoy watching my children interact with their father.  May their memories of life with Dad be wonderful!!!

Until Next Time,

Mother's Day 2019

     I trust that you all had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I surely did!  The kids "surprised" me with several great gifts - roses, a new robe, gum, and a personal pecan pie.  My husband "surprised" me with my favorite skin products from Trim Healthy Naturals.


  My daughter Aaliyah wrote a poem on the inside of the card the kid's gave me.  It really blessed my heart.

Mother's Day Prize

You bloom with colors of kindness

Your peddles full of love

It takes a flower like you

To win 

that Mother's Day

Gold Meddle.

-Aaliyah Beckles

Handome Men!!!😍😍

Poem by Aaliyah Beckles

Until Next Time,

Power of Influence

When You Thought 

I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking; I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator and I immediately wanted to paint another.  When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me.  I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick.  I learned what it means to serve one another in brotherly love.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I heard you pray over me and kiss me goodnight and I felt loved and safe.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I saw how you handle your responsibilities even when you didn't feel good.  I learned what it means to glorify God in all things.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I saw you give of your time and money to the people in need and I learned that God loves a cheerful giver.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I saw tears come to your eyes. I learned that sometimes things hurt; but it's alright to cry.  When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you praying and reading God's word and I learned to depend on and trust in Him.  When you thought I wasn't looking; I looked at you and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

Author unknown

This is also a poem I came across in search of something special for Mother's Day.  It speaks to the power of influence and letting your actions speak for themselves.

The type of parenting philosophy that says do as I say: not as I do is not very effective.  As the song goes..."Your walk talks, and your talk talks; but your walk talks louder than your talk talks."
Say that 3 times fast!

Here are a few snapshots of our April.  Also, feel free to hop over to our new YouTube channel (Tinylasnews...life at Pecan Cottage) and join us on our latest adventure!

Until Next Time,