Forbearance

Occasionally I feel like a foster parent or a step parent.  Opening with this statement is going to feel disjointed from the post for a while; but please bear with me.

This past week I came across the word "forbearance" about 3 or 4 times.  There are a couple of things that I am praying about and I believe that the answer the Lord is giving me is to FORBEAR.

The more I meditate on forbearance, the more I can see how needy I am in exercising it in MANY areas of my life.  Before I share further, let's begin with it's definition. 

Forbearance (according to Mr. Webster) is : a refraining from the enforcement of something (such as a debt, right, or obligation) that is due: Patience : the quality of being forbearing : Leniency 

What comes to mind are the phrases mercy in Action. Patience with hope. 
There are days when I feel like a drill sergeant barking out orders...
There are days when I feel like I am critiquing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G the children do and say...
There are days when I am short instead of sweet to my husband (usually because he has forgotten to do something that I asked him to do, he is not doing something the way I would prefer it to be done,  or he has offended me in some way that I haven't communicated with him about (yet😉)...

There are days when I wish God would just hurry up and (fill in the blank)...

On such days, I lack forbearance!  I mentioned mercy in action.  My children have benefited in many ways from having the cousins live with us this year; but I  am sure they sometimes miss their sweet mama.  When children who have been brought up in a home environment completely different from their current one; many adjustments have to be made for everyone involved.  I never used to yell at my kids.  NEVER!!!  When the cousins came, they couldn't hear me sometimes until I yelled at them.  I am back to my no yell policy now.  They have adjusted; but my children had to live with me during the period of adjustment.  I wish it never had to be so.

I mentioned patience with hope.  One of my children is a lot like her father.  She is on her own clock and often in a different world.  She is also incredibly smart and has a more mechanical mind.  That first issue requires MUCH patience...but hope is expectation.  I can tolerate her being slow about some things because I know she will get it.  I often have to remind myself (with her) to not say "hurry up!"  When it's important for her to stay with the group, I ask the Lord to give me ways to help her that don't crush her spirit...usually.  Like I said, there are days!

Patience with hope....Raising someone else's kids, for any length of time, requires patience.  The kids will have ways about them that you will admire and that will make you proud to know them.  They will also have ways about them that make you angry or sad and that you wish you could just erase for their own good. I have these emotions about my own kids too; but usually my husband or I have/had those same ways about us, so we kinda know how to handle our kids.  Not knowing the parents or why the child thinks a certain way or does a certain thing is frustrating.  What can one do in such circumstances?  Pray!  Teach them the right way again and again.  Guide them with Truth.  Love and compliment them openly and verbally as much as is possible.
Remember that consistency and repetition are KEY. 
Chose your battles wisely.  Don't try to correct every issue that pops up. It's important that you win the heart of the child.  You cannot do that if you attack everything about them.

Before we had our children my husband and I were looking into fostering children for adoption.  We took the classes at our local DHS and the whole thing.  One of the things I remember is that we were told not to wash all the children's clothes/toys right away.  I didn't understand that at first; but what message does it send when a child enters your house and you take all of his/her "clean" clothes and their favorite snuggle bear and throw them into the wash?

Apply that same principle to the child's speech, habits, and mannerisms.  Try and discover the beautiful one inside and encourage them to let that person shine through all the rough stuff.  As I mentioned somewhere before, you must connect before you can correct!  Let me close this post out with what I am hearing the Lord say to me.

"Forbearance is Love in action.  Mercy in action. Patience in action.  Tinyla,  Practice it!  I promise to help you. " - Jesus


"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;" -Ephesians 4:2

Additional Related Scripture:  Romans 2:4; Romans 3:25; Ephesians 6:9; Colossians 3:13 to end of chapter

Until Next Time,

Kindness Pays!

Part  Two:

Ticket Cash in Day is a great day for the kids.  I enjoy seeing them so excited about getting paid for their efforts; but this day also means that I will have to take 7 kids shopping soon...not my favorite thing, but peace is worth the inconvienence!  We have Kindness Cash out days twice a month.

What does cash in day look like?

A.)  I gather the materials necessary for this event.
          1.  Our ticket bucket (converted pretzel container)
          2.  The kids piggy banks
          3.  Pen and paper for recording their giving/choices.
B.)  I call everyone to the table and we tally separate and count all the tickets.  The person with the     
       most gets 10 extra tickets ($1).

C.)  The kids, 1 by 1, decide how they will divide up what they have earned.
   

Spending Options

1. Tithe.  10% of total
2. Save.  10% of total goes into their banks.  Sometimes some of them chose to save more, sometimes some of them whine about having to save anything.  
3. Give.  5% or more.  We have 2 organizations that the kids have chosen to give to for Christmas at the end of the year. They have to give 5%.  Sometimes some of them chose to give more, sometimes some of them whine about giving anything.
4. Spend...whatever they have left.  I encourage them to make wise spending choices. I have a bucket of candy that they can purchase for a dime a piece.  (They haven't yet figured out that they can purchase their own bags from the dollar store for less.  I am glad because I am not a parent that promotes candy whenever we want it.) I also give them the option of buying extra screen time (1 cent/minute).

The Kindness Contest is a tool we use in our home to encourage and teach kindness, good communication skills, problem solving skills, stewardship and money management.

How do you promote these attributes in your home?  I would love to know.  Comment below or shoot me an email at tinylabeckles@yahoo.com.  I would love to hear from you!

Until Next time,

Kindness Contest (revisited)

A couple of years ago I shared an idea that we practice in our home called the "Kindness Contest".  A dear friend of mine has asked me to give more details about it.  As requested, here we go!

What?

Kindness Contest:  

The children are given tickets (purchased at dollar tree) for:
1.)  Doing acts of kindness (i.e. putting someone else's things in its proper place, sharing, giving a sincere compliment, volunteering to help with something, or spending time reading to or playing with a sibling when they would rather be doing something else.)

2.)  Going above and beyond what is expected of them. I give them tickets for every book they write down in their reading journal. I also give tickets for "perfect" work.  If they do both sides of a math worksheet with no mistakes, they get a ticket.  Other acts of going beyond are volunteering to pick up trash that has blown into our yard, or spending time playing with or grooming the pets without being asked.

3.) The children loose tickets for 1 reason only...tattling!  Every parent of multiple children knows that tattling is an extremely annoying issue.  It is important to REPORT important things for safety reasons or bad character issues (lying/stealing).  However, it is not acceptable  for one person to tattle on their sibling/cousin for the purpose of getting them in trouble or because one has not been a good communicator/problem solver.  I do not like having to police every one of the kids' actions.  When they come to me with issues, I stop them and ask them if 1.) whatever they are going to tell me is worth loosing a ticket? 2.)  If they have already tried to work it out with the person in question. If the answer is yes in both accounts, then I am all ears.  If the answer is No to either question...they have to tell me what the problem is, but I charge them a ticket for my time.

Why?:   This contest has completely changed the atmosphere in our home.  The kids are practicing kindness daily.  They are also practicing and exercising their communication and problem solving skills.  Invaluable.

One other thing I would like to note is that an Act of Kindness is included as part of their morning routine.  What does that mean?  It means that before they are allowed to eat breakfast, they must first show kindness to someone.  One day a child said to me, "I'm ready for breakfast!"  I asked, "Have you done all your morning things?  (pause) What act of kindness did you do?"  They told me and then asked me, "What act of kindness did you do today, Mama?( in an innocent and honestly curious voice)"  This was the day when I started making sure that I was practicing my acts of kindness daily as well.  For me, this looks more like over-achieving in my daily areas of responsibility, or attitude checks in my execution of my tasks.  Also, I make it a point to do little things for my husband that I know he appreciates, but doesn't expect me to do.  Some days this is easier than others; but on the harder to be kind days...this is especially good for me. 😉


Next Topic:  Kindness Rewarded  - What Payday looks like for the kids.

Until Next time,

Teaching Thankfulness

Recently I had a conversation with one of the ladies in our church about a young relative of hers.  He/She has developed a horrible habit of stealing.  "What causes this?" She asked me.  At the moment, I didn't exactly know what to say.  I know this family in question.  They are not hard up for cash, or anything else.  What would motivate a seemingly smart young person to become a thief?  I was challenged about this in my own home.  Sometimes the kids will find money (usually change) around the house and they automatically claim it as their own.  I had to explain that one does not get to claim something as theirs that they found on someone else's property.  

Overcoming the Desire to Steal

I have deduced that in order to combat this, three things are in necessary:

1.  Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  We began making Thursdays a day of thanksgiving shortly after my conversation with this lady.  What does this look like in our home?  Almost every evening we eat dinner together at the dining room table.  Once someone is finished, they get to tell three reasons why they are thankful.   My nephew is usually the first one to share as he is almost always the first one to finish his meal.  

Initially we heard the same things over and over and over again.  Raymond and I began to challenge the kids to try and be a little more original, or to tell "why" they are thankful for a particular family member.  When I was a teenager, my youth director used to have us practice this during the month of November.  I guess we are getting an early start!

My reason for beginning this exercise is that a person who is grateful for the people in their lives, doesn't steal from them.  Also, a person who is thankful for the things they have, will be far less likely to covet what others have.

Ephesians 4:28
"Let him that stole steal no more:  but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth."

2.  Help them to learn the value of hard work in association with money/ the value of a dollar.  Meaning, how much time it takes a person to earn a set amount of money to buy certain objects.  I personally am not in favor of traditional "allowances".  I am in favor of kids earning money for performing/working hard at certain unrequired tasks.  In our home, we pay the kids for going out of their way to practice kindness (more about this coming really soon).  It is important for kids to learn to manage money, or it will master them once they leave the home.

3.  Leave money around the house on purpose in order to get them used to not touching what belongs to others.  I had a boss once who did this.  I didn't know that it was for the purpose of testing my integrity.  I gathered it up and put it in a little bowl for them. 😐

What are your thoughts on this topic?
Do you have any suggestios?
Drop me a comment or email me. I would love to hear from you!
tinylabeckles@yahoo.com


Coming Soon...Essential Skills for Kids and The Kindness Project

Until Next Time,

Youtube

Surprise!!! I am joining the world of You tube "life influencers".  I have mixed emotions about this, but I believe it is something the Lord wants me to do.  I listen/watch at least one youtube vidio a day.  My mindset about a lot of things has been influenced heavily by some of the things I have heard on on different videos.  
I am not a professional about filming and editing or anything.  Hopefully I will improve as I continue.  For now, it is what it is.  This first video is about my story and how I became Mrs. Beckles.  I am aiming to keep all of the videos 10 minutes or less.  I failed in this first one; but not by much.   Hope you enjoy!

Tinylasnews on Youtube

Until next time,

Life and Math

Hello Friends!
Let me begin this post by saying that I would never consider myself a math person.  I am sure that all of my former teachers would respond to that statement with a hearty AMEN! I would like to change that scenario for my children.  There is tremendous value in having a Mathematical Mindset.

Last semester I tried to focus on building our reading skills, memorization skills, and a love of language.
We are continuing some of that; but our focus for this "semester" is primarily on math.

The picture above has all of our math goals for these 5 months.  I have color coded them to match each level.  The primary reason for this wall of math is to remind me of what my goals are for them.  I have already noticed that I put aside the math book (as great as it is) more often and practice mastering a listed skill instead. Where did I get a list of skill sets? I looked in the front of our math books (our math curriculum of choice) and narrowed each level down to 10 basic skill sets. I purchased the bubble gum machine cutouts at the Dollar Tree, wrote the skills in a different color for each level on a blank sheet of printer paper; then cut and pasted them to the bubble gum machine cutouts.

One other thing we are doing more of is incorporating things that are mathematical in nature into our daily lives.  Last year I invested in Saxon's math manipulative kit for Kindergartners.  That bucket now has a special corner, along with some other math manipulatives that I have added to it,  for the kids to use to figure out a problem, or just to have fun doing mathematical things (ie...building beautiful tangram creations, weighing things on a scale, counting with counters, putting together puzzles, sudoku puzzle books, etc.)   I also have a place where they can build with Lego's and leave their creations out to add to, show off, and enjoy.

I believe we are, more than ever, enjoying math.  I can see some feelings of fear and intimidation being torn down.

What would I like for you to take away from this post?  What are some things we are doing to aid our journey to a mathematical mindset?


1.  I remember that, especially in math, I am NOT the answer key!!!  The kids may ask me a question, but I do not feel pressured to immediately give them an answer.  I encourage them to think and dig for themselves.  If I see them becoming too frustrated to come to a reasonable conclusion I may...
     A.)  Ask an older sibling to help them while I watch and listen in.
     B.)  Ask a question to lead them back to the correct path to their answer.

     C.) Work  the problem in front of them, and them have them work a very similar problem.
     D.)  Remind myself that I have time, take a deep breath as I pray, and say, "Let's come back to this tomorrow!
2.  I wrote on our Character wall the following statements:
     "I will not be afraid to try!"
     "I will not be afraid to fail, then try again!"
 
  It is important to learn to take educated risks.  In a classroom full of students who are eager to laugh at you if you make a mistake, it is sort of hard to not fear failure and risk taking; but in a class/home where you are surrounded by people who love you, encourage you to do your best,  and know that we will not move forward until you "get it" (and that if they laugh at you for failing they will be SEVERELY punished), it's a little easier to take risks...it might even be fun.

Do you have any special tips and tricks that encourage yourself, or your kids in math?  Please share!
If you agreed with, were challenged by, or liked any portion of this post, Please share!
blah, blah, blah...Please share!

Rayanna's updated pre-school corner

Coming soon...Teaching Gratitude.

Until Next Time,

Let Boys Be Boys

Hello All!
I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
We enjoyed our holiday season.  Our days from about the middle of November until last week were filled with food, hospitality, food, shopping, food, piano recitals and talent shows, gifts, and of course food. I am willing to bet that your holidays were probably a little like ours.

Now, on to the topic at hand.

My husband and I are opposites in a lot of areas.  One being that he LOVES surprises.  I don't. Each time I discovered I was expecting a child, I wanted to find out; but he didn't.  How did we handle this situation?  I found out, but didn't tell him. I would buy generic things that needed to be purchased in advance.  I also packed an outfit for a boy or a girl for the first photo.    Why does this matter?  Because when I found our that we were finally going to have a boy, I felt totally unprepared.  I wasn't sure what exactly to expect; but one thing I knew...boys are different than girls physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I wanted to be somewhat prepared for him, so I did what I do when facing most "new" things...I read a book or two.

As time goes on  and I see my son growing into who he will become, I am challenged
almost daily to remember that his needs are different than the needs of my daughters.  I have already shared with you the story about a certain pair of pants that he hated to wear because he said they were too girly; but recently we had a moment in the bathroom.  We were in a department store and he had to use the restroom.  I cleaned off the toilet seat and told him to sit down.  He said, "No, Mommy.  This is how men do it."


 He then unzipped his pants, raised the seat and peed. (he did not lower the seat after he finished!).  Initially I felt pride, but then I just wanted to sit down somewhere and cry because I was reminded that my time as his "Mommy" was running out. Most professionals say that our core person is shaped by the time we are age 7.  My son is now age 5.  I have about two years to go to help shape who he will fundamentally become.

My nephew, Sir is currently 7 years old.  His mother and I have the same mother.  I love my little Sister; but I often say we experienced 2 different childhoods.  I grew up in the ghetto.  We moved more times than I can remember.  We lived with my Grandmother for a great portion of my early childhood years.
My sister, on the other hand, only moved once when she was four years old.  My mother died in that house just a couple of years ago.  I knew McDonald's existed and sold hamburgers and fries.  My sister knows their entire menu by heart.  I remember my grandmother fixing fried liver and onions with potatoes for just heself and me.  My sis didn't experience that blessing.

Why do I bring this up?  Because as different as my childhood was for me and my sister; her children and mine may as well have been raised in two different countries.  When she visits us the boys will go out and climb trees and build forts and shoot their homemade guns.  She always yells for them to get out of the tree and put the guns down.  I tell him to obey his mother; but when she leaves, I show him the trees that are safe to climb and how high he can climb them. I don't buy guns for them, but I don't stop them from making guns of their own with things they find.  I also encourage them to "shoot" squirrels or pretend deer so we can have some squirrel stew or venison jerky.  I also may or may not have locked the boys outside a time or two and told them to "shoot a tree" when they say they need to come inside to use the restroom.  I read somewhere that boys need an hour a day of unstructured play time outside.  I do not intend to rob them of this necessity!  (wink, wink)

In the classroom

This is one area where remembering that boys and girls are different is extremely important.  For the sake of time,  I won't share everything that I think should be different for them in school.  I will say that I don't require the boys to sit at a desk quietly while working.  I make time to work one on one with them.  I also try and touch their hand, head, shoulder, or arm when trying to help them understand new concepts.  It seems that just a little bit of pressure helps them to grasp things better.

Life is calling me away, but let me leave you with a few things to read or watch that may make the boys in your life a little easier for you to understand. Two of the articles are about the dietary needs of boys. I feed our boys more fat than I do the girls.  This helps to keep them feeling full and is good for their development.  If you boys are always hungry, add more healthy fat to their diets.

Two books I feel really helped me are: Raising Wild Things and  Bringing Up Boys. 

Artilces:

Kids and eating Fat

kids need more fat

Video:

War on Boys

Until Next Time,

Coming Soon...Math and Life.